One day you find yourself at odds with your mate. Communication seems to be at a halt, so to make matters better you seek advice from an in-law, friend or family members. In the moment everything feels good but, hold on because havoc is lurking around the corner. Whether you are newly married or are a seasoned couple, you were meant to communicate with each other.
Whenever you invite someone in to your relationship you are entering into a triangular relationship.
Each third party encounter has its own battle field. Here are just a few things that can create damage in your marriage down the road and how you can avoid them:
As loving as your in-laws or family members appear, I promise you in most instances they will not like that you are discussing their blood relative. Remember, while you are spilling your guts and giving them every detail of what is working or not working they are taking notes on you and your behavior waiting for the chance to call their son or daughter to report the conversation. At the end of the day, a new battle will brew at home over why you discussed your relationship with their family and seeds of doubt and mistrust will be planted. And if they are your relative, they will have a hard time forgetting what you said which will result in future discourse with your spouse. Avoid this trap or it will hunt you down later.
Friends are eager to listen and help. But be careful because the advice you get depends on that friend’s current situation. Your divorced friend may say, “Girl it’s time to start planning your way out” and your single friend may encourage you to just look over the offense and be happy that you are married. Then there is your girlfriend who will help you plot revenge. Again, this is a trap that should be avoided. At the end of the day, your friends can help destroy something that was repairable.
Your Co-workers work with you on a daily basis and they see you at your best and worst. So naturally when something is going on at home, you want to share with them. Stop, this is another trap! If you only talk about things when they are bad, they will develop a one sided view of your spouse. When they finally meet her at the Christmas party or the company picnic, they will give her the cold shoulder based off of old information.
Being in a good marriage requires constant communication about the big and small things of life. The bible says we should seek wise counsel to settle disagreements and before entering into commitments. I believe this is true. Decide to nurture your marriage with counseling or coaching. Allow a neutral third party to help you with disputes when needed. Take classes and go on marriage retreats. Learn to develop good communication skills that make your marriage stronger over time.
BMWK- What experiences have you had with this? Successful? Still dealing with the aftermath?