In about five more years, my husband and I will nearly have an empty nest. My youngest daughter will be going away to college and my oldest will be living on her own. I get excited and nervous when I think about that phase of my children’s lives. As their lives change, so will mine.
Lately I’ve started to imagine what my marriage looks like without children in the home. My husband and I were parents before we got married, so we don’t know what marriage looks like without children.
I must admit, it’s going to feel kind of weird in the beginning. I’m use to my girls needing me for things and sharing with me those little ideas they get so excited about. I know that quiet is going to take some getting used to. But mostly, I’m excited about how my marriage will evolve.
One of the things I appreciate about my husband is that he doesn’t let either of us forget we’re a couple. Yes we’re parents, but we’re a couple too. Maintaining our love has to also be a top priority, just like raising our girls was. I’m grateful that he seemed to always remember that, even when I forgot occasionally.
Being a parent can sometimes put a strain on a marriage. Balancing your marriage with your parenting isn’t always easy. Children require our time and energy and that affects what we have left to give and share with our spouses.
As I prepare for my empty nest, I wanted to encourage other parents who might be heading there soon. Remember that your marriage shouldn’t be put on pause while you raise your children. Everything you did in the beginning, when you were just dating, should still take place. Dating can easily be placed on the back burner when everything else feels more urgent. Couples must continue to date and make the other partner feel special.
We can get so caught up with the children’s needs that we forget our spouse has some too. As our children get older, it’s also critical that we begin to explain to them, as well as show them, how to maintain a healthy marriage. You didn’t stop being a couple when you became parents, so there are certain behaviors that shouldn’t stop.
Children can’t be the glue that keeps a marriage together. A couple’s love for one another (and therefore their excitement to be around one another) must be that glue.
Marriage is a blessing, that in my opinion, should be getting better with time. Couples should be excited and looking forward to the next phase of their relationship and not dreading the idea of being alone together.
For me, I’m looking forward to the empty nest. My husband and I will travel, have adult conversations and just continue to connect physically and mentally. I’m excited about what’s to come, not just for my daughters, but also for my husband and me. The really cool thing about marriage is that I don’t have to wait for that empty nest to start doing all those things now.
BMWK, what will your marriage look like when your children are grown and gone?