Last week, I had an interesting conversation with another wife who had a challenge with the idea of her husband shedding tears in front of her. She thought tears as a result of a loss or during a funeral made sense and were acceptable. However, if her husband were to cry because he was in pain, had a fight or his feelings were hurt, for example, she would absolutely feel some kind of way.
Now I know her comments were likely exaggerated for comedic effect as she laughed while she shared, and she even joked that her husband better “man up” in those moments. It did still cause me to wonder what other women thought about their men crying in front of them. So here I am asking you. What do you think about your man crying over something you may not deem tear worthy?
For me, I don’t have a problem with tears. I hope my husband knows he can cry in front of me. But I wonder if most men feel as though they have to be strong 24/7 and that tears are a sign of weakness. Most are taught as boys to suck it up, be strong and man up. I strongly disagree.
In my opinion, tears are a sign of strength, humanness and trust. When a man sheds tears in front of his wife, it shows a certain level of comfort. He more than likely feels safe and free from judgement around her. Two key ingredients for marriage, from what I’ve learned, is trust and vulnerability. We should be able to express our emotions, say what we feel and lay it all out with the person we’ve exchanged vows with. When we are unable to do that, I think it’s a sign of something else.
In marriage, you shouldn’t have to pretend or mask how you’re feeling or what you need. There should be a safe space within a marriage where all emotions are valid. Your spouse should be the one person in the world where you can be unapologetically you.
BMWK, is there a judgement-free zone in your marriage? Can your husband cry in front of you?