by Chioma Okoroafor
My husband is a good teacher, a kind of philosopher who loves illustrations. On one occasion, he brought a seed, of a particular fruit I love so much and suggested we plant it behind the house. I agreed because it simply meant I would have enough of the fruit at my disposal.
Three weeks gone and the seed were yet to spring out. I suggested to my husband that we either dig out the plant maybe we planted it too deep or plant another seed but he advised I should be patient. My husband kept watering and nurturing the seeds that were yet to sprout. At a point I was nonchalant and tired of the process, which was quite slow. Today, I enjoy the fruit I was reluctant to nurture. I consumed the fruit more than my husband who spent time nurturing it. Its ripen stage seems more entertaining than its nurturing stage.
As I consume the fruit with so much relish, my husband reminds me of the essence. He says, “The seed is like our day to day relationship with our spouse, colleagues, business partners, family members, children…”
LESSONS FROM MY ATTITUDE
- We build relationships and want them to become all we desire them to be in a matter of days and seconds.
- When we give in a relationship, we expect that it produces immediately to meet our needs. We give to get in the present, not in the future.
- We invest a little time, effort, money in a relationship and when they do not give us the returns we expect, at the time we anticipate, we become nonchalant and lackadaisical towards the individual, writing the individual off (thus underestimating the value of the person).
- We have too much expectation and when they come in tiny bits, we get disappointed.
- Most people do not want to spend time nurturing a good relationship but want to enjoy fruits/benefits from the relationship.
- When we get into a relationship we want to make amendments and adjustment for everyone involved, if our expectation, hope and objectives are not being met.
- People want to eat what they never spent time growing. If we look at it the other way round, this is where people cheat on their spouse or stay single for life because they want someone “already made.” Stop complaining about his/her looks or character or inability to do this or that.
LESSONS FROM MY HUSBAND’S ATTITUDE
- To build a good relationship, we must acquire the virtue called patience. Everyone has excesses, weakness and strengths but you have to be patient to put up with them. These characters have to come out before you can mold them. A relationship is not fully built until everyone in it can be bare, free to be himself/herself to give ample opportunity to easily understand each other without melting judgment.
- A good, healthy and long lasting relationship is built on giving all with no expectation that the individual or persons will reciprocate. Sometimes we are building people for life not necessarily for ourselves but for a generation or other people.
- Time is of the essence in a relationship.
- Don’t see relationship as a chore but an investment that will benefit everyone around.
- Enjoy every time and effort put into your relationship. That way, it is easy to live with people irrespective of their shortcoming.
FOOD FOR THOUGHT: Think for a moment: have you always been the way you are today? It’s a definite no! You are changing, you are growing, you are progressing, you are advancing”... And you know why? It’s because someone or some people chose to believe in you even when there was nothing to believe in. If you could change with time, learn to give others the same chance to change or grow without judging.
TRUTH: You cannot get all you want at the time you want. You must learn to compromise and stop judging.
Chioma Catherine Okoroafor is a relationship manager with a financial institution, a writer, a motivational speaker and a public relations consultant who believes that the world can be a better place to live in if relationships are molded properly from the small units of human institutions like: the home, workplace, classroom, street. She is a best friend to her husband and two lovely children.