If we are honest, those of us in one, recognize marriage can be difficult. A couple should never lead others to believe that disagreements, arguments and yes frustration don’t exist in a marriage. Simply put, sometimes married people just don’t get along. For some, when we disagree, there is snapping, pouting and even yelling. With the goal being to get a point across, be understood and occasionally be victorious, some will do whatever is necessary. However, those reactions never benefit our relationship. So, let’s discuss the healthy actions we can take to minimize the drama.
The next time you find yourself in a quarrel with your spouse stop, look, listen and try these healthy actions instead:
- Make sure it is what you think it is. Get a clear understanding of the situation and examine all of the facts prior to reacting negatively.
- Discuss the situation with your spouse. Don’t pretend whatever it is didn’t happen. The only way to deal with an issue is to acknowledge it exists. If it hurt you tell your spouse, because more than likely that wasn’t the intent.
- Question your initial response first. Ask yourself is what I am about to say or do reasonable and am I possibly overreacting to the situation.
- Pray for your marriage that it not only overcomes today’s challenge but all future disagreements.
- Before you respond start off by telling your spouse how much you love him/her. Doing this sets the tone of the conversation.
- If you are still able to civilly communicate and can control your voice levels, take the conversation to a new location. Taking a walk to the backyard, a nearby park, or a restaurant may be helpful. A change of scenery could positively affect the mood of the situation.
- Get over it. Once you have decided this dispute isn’t that big of a deal, move on.
- Be honest about your contributions. Ask yourself what role you play in the problem as well as the solution.
- Initiate the peace by being the bigger person and apologizing first. My husband taught me this one. He would often take the lead in apologizing and making sure we got back to a happy place. Once I got over myself, I was able to do that too.
- Look for the lesson and apply it. Every challenge is an opportunity to grow.
With two imperfect people in a relationship, there is bound to be some controversy. Understand that couples are going to fuss and fight; but how you fight will make all the difference.
BMWK, have you tried any of the above actions? If so, how did it affect your marriage?