Ever wonder what, specifically, is needed to actually create and experience the marriage you had in mind? Many of us question why our marriage doesn’t always go according to plan. Plans that include communicating effectively, consistent sacrifice for one another and living a happy ever after, aren’t always realistic. What has become the new normal for quite a few marriages is disagreement and only one half of the partnership putting forth an effort. Some of us are struggling more than the average couple and are unable to see a way out of the marriage mess. Despite our efforts, the relationship remains in constant battle mode.
If you ever feel like your spouse isn’t adding anything worthwhile to your partnership, like you’re in a relationship by yourself or simply wondering why you want this more than your mate, you’re not alone. Couples are fighting daily to keep their marriage afloat. What many don’t realize is a different way of thinking is required. It’s time to shift the focus from what’s not working to what’s needed to improve the situation. Taking a self-evaluation will not only be helpful to the individual, but also healing to the relationship. Below are 10 questions each partner should often ask, of themselves, when communicating with their spouse:
- Am I difficult to love and be in a relationship with? If yes, what am I willing to do to change that?
- Will the words I’m choosing to say hurt or heal my spouse? If it will hurt, do I still need to say them?
- What action can I take to express my appreciation for my lover, partner and friend?
- Is my complaint that big of a deal or can I let this go? If I can let this go, why even bring it up?
- Am I really listening to my spouse right now or waiting to get my point across? If I’m waiting to share my point, how can I listen more attentively?
- If I don’t apologize now, whether I’m right or wrong, what impact will it have on this relationship?
- Do I often point fingers and shift blame? If I do, does this action help us or hurt us?
- Am I always honest about the role I play in our marriage challenges?
- Do I consider my marriage goals as I communicate and interact with my spouse? If my goal is peace, do I act like it?
- Do I take advantage of the opportunities to be intimate with my partner? If I don’t, when will I begin to?
To improve any troubled situation there are first some hard truths that must be faced. As much as our partner may be the one needing to make the most adjustments, we have to begin within. We can’t control our partners, we can’t make them do things the exact way we would. However, we can completely control us and lead our marriage by example.