by Bhek and Allison Simmons
Bhek and Allison Simmons have been together for over 20 years, 17 as husband and wife. Through the ups and downs of life and marriage, they have used their faith – and a bit of comedy — to uphold and enrich their marriage as they seek to assist other couples in learning how to live and grow together.
Check out what Bhek and Allison have to say about building a strong, long lasting marriage:
He Says . . .
2. Seek first to serve. Both of us worried about her or both of us worried about me means someone is getting marginalized. That is toxic.
3. Listen. No really. Formulating an answer while she is talking is not listening. Hear her. Rephrase what you thought she said to try and get it right. There is no peace as long as she feels misunderstood.
4. Keep your word. Trust will carry you through where success eludes. Once trust is lost, so is respect. That can take years to repair.
5. Be patient. When people feel like there is no room for their issues or imperfections, they are encouraged to be less than open and honest. See #4.
I try to practice all five of these every day. I fail at some part of it every day. Which brings me to the bonus tip:
6. Realize that you and your spouse and your marriage are all “works in progress” that are continually evolving. Have a sense of humor about yourself and forgive at least twice as much as you require forgiveness. You have until you die to get it right.
She Says . . .
2. What you know (or DON’T know) is more important than what you THINK. If you find yourself living in a perpetual state of misunderstanding and warfare, your opinion won’t hold much weight in the matter. What lies at the root of what you are struggling with is the real issue. You can THINK your husband is a lunatic for melting down about that purse you bought. But it would be better to know and understand that the root of his meltdown stems from stress about finances, not about the purse itself. Seek understanding.
3. Allow for “breaks” for both of you. One of the worse things you can do in marriage is to think you can meet each other’s every single need. You can’t . . . so stop it. Allow room for other platonic relationships to enrich and develop you both. However, these relationships should be approved by the spouse.
4. Protect your realm. While it is nice to have platonic associations outside the marriage (see #3), be sure to draw very clear lines that cannot be crossed. Be careful about sharing or spending too much time with other family and friends. Respect your spouse’s authority. There can only be ONE king and queen per castle – in-laws, “momma, daddy, and them” need to take three LARGE steps back . . . outside of your door.
5. Comedy is King. A little laughter goes a really long way. Make time to laugh. In teasing, play fair.
Bonus Tip:
6. Learn to love agape style. Agape love is a type of love that expands to absorb the bumps, bruises, and growing pains of life. Change in life is inevitable. Jobs change, dreams shift, what should not happen, does. Learning the art of agape love will help you through the difficult transitions of life and love.
BMWK – Leave the Simmons a comment below and thank them for sharing their marriage insight. Also, share with us some of your tips on how to have a long lasting marriage.
Bhek and Allison Simmons have been together for over 20 years, 17 as husband and wife. Through the ups and downs of life and marriage, they have used their faith – and a bit of comedy — to uphold and enrich their marriage as they seek to assist other couples in learning how to live and grow together. They, along with their two children and one crazed cat, live in the Baltimore Metropolitan Area.