Have you ever met anyone who wants to be unhappily married? I sure haven’t. The end goal for everyone who chooses to say, “I do” is simple: They want to live happily every after. I know that’s what I want. And it doesn’t mean that I expect some fairytale marriage with this perfect life. I am no fool. I know things won’t be perfect at all. However, I also don’t subscribe to the belief that perfection is needed for anyone to be happy.
All of us who are married, or desire to be married, simply want to live in a happy space. We want to share our lives with someone who loves us. We want someone who’s encouraging and supportive. We want someone who may be annoyed by our flaws, but has chosen to accept them because their love for us trumps any flaw we may have. And we want to have all of this without dealing with consistent stress and drama. Yes, stress will come—it’s inevitable. But we don’t want that to be the norm in our union.
No two marriages are identical. Not all miserable couples are the same and not all happy couples are the same. The reason behind this fact is simple; every couple has their own unique story. But even with this uniqueness, there are some things that are shared by those who find themselves in happy unions.
Here are 13 things that the happiest marriages have in common:
- Practice forgiveness. Both parties in any marriage will make mistakes. For a couple to find happiness, each person has to be able to work through any painful experience and forgive.
- Communicate in a way that works for them. Everyone has his or her own communication style, but when you get married, you have to develop a way of communicating that allows each person to feel heard. Effective communication helps couples avoid misunderstandings and create happier lives.
- Share at least one hobby or interest. People often say that opposites attract. Although there is some truth to that, the happiest couples always seem to have at least one thing that the both really enjoy doing together. It could be as simple as watching action films. Whatever it is, it helps them connect.
- Don’t sweat the small stuff. Nothing brings more peace than picking and choosing your battles. Not every battle is worth fighting. Happy couples have figured out which battles are worth it and which ones just aren’t.
- Are not overly critical. Being criticized all the time just doesn’t make anyone happy—ever. Very little criticism goes a very long way.
- Spend time together alone. Quality time is essential. Happy couples understand how important it is, and they find the time to be alone together.
- Spend time apart from each other. Happy couples also know how important it is to spend individual time with their friends and family. It’s healthy, and healthy people tend to be in happier relationships.
- Have a shared vision. Most happy couples have discussed a family vision and they share the same vision.
- Don’t point fingers. Finger pointing rarely does any good. Happy couples take responsibility for their own actions and realize they can only control their own contribution to any situation.
- Make each other laugh. It’s not just absence that makes the heart grow fonder—laughter does it too. And it should be no surprise that happy couples laugh together a lot.
- Focus on the positive. The happiest couples tend to focus on what their partner does right a lot more than they focus on what they think is wrong.
- Greet each other with love. Whether it’s a good morning that comes with a hug, or a welcome home from work smile that makes the hard day melt away, happy couples greet each other with love.
- Know when to disconnect. Knowing when to give technology a rest and just focus on each other is a habit that many happy couples practice regularly. It works.
BMWK Family: tell us what makes your marriage a happy one.