I’ve been married for over seven years. And though that’s not an eternity, it’s long enough for me to be grateful that I still feel like I married the right guy. He still gets me. He still makes me laugh. He still supports my dreams. He still provides for us. I think I did pretty well.
I respect my husband, not just because he’s my husband and I love him, but also because he has earned my respect. Marrying me and loving me is not enough to earn my consistent respect. It’s honestly not enough for most people. It requires a lot more.
I often hear stories about men who are frustrated with the lack of respect they get from their wives. Now listen, I think some people are straight up disrespectful, no matter how you treat them, and they need to work through their own anger issues.
But I also think that some women are disrespectful because the men in their lives haven’t done much to earn respect.
The amount of respect you get in life is often directly related to how you behave. It doesn’t matter who you were when you got married. What matters is how you behave from day-to-day.
- Are you who you said you would be?
- Are you who you truly want to be?
- Are you the person your wife deserves?
- Are you keeping your vows?
Great marriages may be built on love, but love alone does not sustain a marriage. A marriage with the potential to stand the test of time is one where both partners respect one another.
When a lack of respect is present, it starts to eat away at the foundation of a marriage and that can be very damaging.
Men, here are three reasons why you may not be getting the respect you want from your wife:
You are not taking care of your family
Although most minds will turn to whether or not a man is providing for his family financially, that’s not the only thing I’m referring to here.
Although men traditionally provide for their families financially, I think it’s okay for a man to stay at home and care for the children if his wife is able to meet the family’s financial needs on her own, and he is truly stepping up in the homemaker department.
Related: 3 Things you can do in the next 24 hours to improve your marriage
But taking care of your family isn’t just about how much money you make. It’s about providing support emotionally and mentally. It’s also about being there for your wife and children when they need you most.
So, if you are not providing financial support when your family needs you too, or you are just paying the bills but are completely disconnected emotionally, you shouldn’t be confused if your wife has lost respect for you.
Whenever a major issue comes up, you shut down
I’ve heard many women complain about spouses who shut down when things get challenging. If your marriage is suffering, or you have major family issues going on, you can’t just check out. Your family needs you.
Nothing is worse than feeling like the person you should turn to for everything has left you to suffer on your own. Although everyone processes pain and stress in their own way, ignoring major marital issues and using distraction as a way to cope is a luxury you no longer have. If you turn your back on your wife when she needs you most, her respect for you will fade.
You need to grow up
Being immature can be a huge problem when you are married. We all need time to unwind and hang with our friends, but that doesn’t mean that we can always do what we want.
As a man, doing what you want to do, without consideration for your wife and kids, can lead to an unhappy wife who respects you less with each passing day. As a husband and a father, you will inevitably have to do things that you may not always want to do.
Related: 5 Characteristics of mature love
When you decide to ignore that fact and leave your wife to do all the tough stuff on her own, resentment grows and a lack of respect surely follows.
Getting married doesn’t make you a man. The way to behave and the way your treat your wife and your family does.
BMWK men, why do you think you aren’t getting the respect you want from your lady?