One of the main reasons we get married is the way the other person makes us feel. When someone makes you feel good, you want that person to stick around, right? But as the relationship grows, it becomes deeper than that. It’s not just about how good the person makes you feel, but how well the two of you are together. Marriage unites people on a deeper level than feeling alone. … [Read more...]
Relationship Burnout: Fighting for Your Relationship When There is Nothing Left
If you've heard it once, you've heard it a thousand times. Marriage is not easy. Like anything in life worth having, it takes work. But, what if you feel your work isn't being valued? Perhaps you sense your wife has lost respect for you. Or maybe your wife is constantly making decisions without communicating with you. If you feel like you're in a losing battle while fighting … [Read more...]
20 Essential Elements for a Happy Marriage – Your Must-Have Checklist
I think lists are awesome. How would I get anything done without a list? I’ve tried and I can tell you that although things still get done, it’s a whole lot harder. I forget stuff. I don’t do things in a timely manner. And worst of all, I end up feeling a lot more stressed than I would have if I had just used a darn list. With that in mind, I hope this list of 20 elements for a … [Read more...]
6 Signs You Just Don’t Like Your Spouse Anymore
I’m still processing the fact that Barack and Michelle Obama are no longer in the White House. I miss them. I am sure you do as well. And my disappointment isn’t just about missing President Obama’s leadership (although I do), but it is about what I experienced by watching their lives as a couple. It’s about seeing a beautiful display of Black love in the public eye. We needed … [Read more...]
3 Things You Should Do When Your Spouse Ticks You Off
Has your spouse ever ticked you off? I don’t know anyone who can honestly answer “no” to that question. We are all human and being angry (or getting someone else angry) is about as normal as it gets. It’s part of the human experience. But, as you probably know, the people you love most have the greatest capacity to get under your skin. And nothing can make your skin crawl as … [Read more...]
How Do I Love My Husband When He Puts His Family Before Me?
Does your spouse or partner adhere to the "family comes first" philosophy? Read the story of a wife who’s having trouble because her spouse is seemingly forgetting his responsibility as a husband by putting his family first. In this post, I also share my thoughts on how you can peacefully resolve situations like these. Family Comes First | Staying Strong, Understanding … [Read more...]
Top 3 Things that 18 Years of Marriage Have Taught Me
Anniversaries are super special in my house. I would never have imagined being married to my husband for eighteen years. Real talk, my parents didn't even think my husband Don and I would remain married past the first six months. They expressed this to us more times than I can count. Why would my parents think this, let alone have the nerve to verbalize this to us? Well, the … [Read more...]
How to Stay Together When Your Family and Friends Want You to Divorce
For years, my husband Don and I had an extremely rocky marriage. During those tumultuous years, I confided in a lot of girlfriends. I told them everything he did and did not do. I was painting a picture of him that had them not speaking to him or wanting to be around him. When things were at their worst, I ran my mouth. Straight up. I even convinced myself that I was going … [Read more...]
Why Fighting For My Marriage is the Best Thing I’ve Ever Done
A few years ago, Don and I were at a crossroad in our marriage and we had to decide if we were going to remain married even though we didn’t like each other. It was not easy to live with this question hanging over my head nor was it pretty. The realization that we did not like each other was painful, but we had no idea how to break from it. One day, we decided to have a … [Read more...]
Seven Strategies that Saved My Marriage
I’m going to be totally honest with you: sometimes, I am annoyed when folks say they want a marriage like mine and Don’s. What they don’t know is that we experienced many ups and downs in our marriage. The 'downs' seemed to last forever. We’ve experienced the difficulties of blending a family, numerous periods of unemployment, a child going to jail, alcoholism and an emotional … [Read more...]
Challenge: 30 Days of Service to Your Spouse…Can You Handle It?
Don and I decided to do a 30 Days of Service Challenge after watching the below video by Comedian Mike Goodwin. Mike decided to do something every day to serve his wife for an extended period of time - - 30 days. I thought it was going to easy to knock out. Wrong! The first few days we were enthusiastic about out-serving each other. He made me breakfast in bed on more than one … [Read more...]
3 Expectations You Should Get Rid of to Improve Your Marriage
I expect my husband to mess up sometimes. Not because he’s some loser who always messes up—because that is far from true—but because he’s human. I hope he expects me to mess up too, because I will. When you enter a relationship intended to last a lifetime, there has to be an honest discussion with yourself and your spouse about what’s expected. Many marriages struggled … [Read more...]
5 Things that Will Ruin Your Ability to Communicate with Your Spouse
When I started dating my husband years ago, I remember getting so mad when he didn’t feel like discussing an issue that came up. I would keep asking questions and pushing the issue until he said something. The thing is, that rarely got me anywhere. He would get annoyed and shut down even more, and I would get angrier and ask more questions—until I realized I was talking to … [Read more...]
Help! My Husband’s Insecurities Are Destroying Our Marriage
Greetings to you, Dr. Buckingham, I found your article on BMWK. My husband went through my cell phone in November and read text messages from me to a friend, who I've been friends with since the '90s. My friend is happily married and living in another state. I had reached out to this male friend for advice on some of our relationship woes. My husband and I had been … [Read more...]
I Want to Stay with My Wife, but I Can’t Shake My Mistress. Please Help
Hello Dr. Buckingham, I have been with my wife for 13 years, and we have been married almost two years as of June. However, I have been cheating on her with someone else. I lie and say I have to work, but I am spending time with the other woman. I spend time with her when I get off work and when my wife works weekends. Now, my wife knows about her because my wife looked … [Read more...]