I make it my business to make my husband feel needed. I think it’s important for the people you love to know that you need them. I know that being needed by those I love matters to me. It matters to most of us. Wanting to feel needed is truly just a part of the human experience.
That said, I definitely don’t need my husband for everything. I think need has it’s place and there are some things in life I can either handle on my own, or, I know the need can only be met by a source much greater than my husband or myself.
And none of this is a secret to the man I married. I made it clear when we met that I was pretty independent. I also made it clear that I felt like looking to a spouse to meet all of my needs was unhealthy, and at times even dangerous.
Related: The one undeniable need your man has that can’t be ignored.
So although I am a huge advocate for wives expressing to their husbands that they do, in fact, need him—I’m also an even bigger advocate for making sure there are boundaries set so you don’t end up needing your man for everything. I don’t care if you snatched up the dopest brother on the block; there are some needs he just can’t meet.
Here are 3 things I just don’t need from my husband, and why meeting these needs in my own way makes our marriage stronger.
To be my savior
I love my husband and I think he is an amazing man, but frankly, I have Jesus to save me. I don’t need my husband, or anyone else in my life, thinking that their role is to save me from anything—not even myself.
My husband is there to provide love, support, and encouragement. I need him to stand by my side, give advice, and look out for my best interest. However, I do not need him to be my savior. I have seen relationships where one person is waiting to be saved by the other and no good ever comes from it. And honestly, even on his best day, my husband couldn’t save me the way my Lord can.
To be my approver
I make mistakes. We all do. And sometimes, it takes me a while to figure out where I went wrong. But whether I am getting things right or messing up epically, I don’t turn to my husband for his approval. I don’t need it. I know that may sound harsh, but let me explain.
I think seeking approval can put you in a position where you start blindly doing things just to please another person, without fully understanding the reasons behind your actions. I’m just not with it. I know the difference between right and wrong. I know what makes my husband happy and what disappoints him.
When he is happy with something I did, sure, I get pleasure from seeing the smile on his face. But if he’s disappointed about something I did, chances are I am disappointed, too. And if I’m not, then I don’t think his disappointment weighs too heavily on me.
Of course I want to engage in a meaningful conversation to get a sense of where he is coming from, but that’s because I love him and value his opinion. It’s not because I need his approval.
To build my confidence
Confidence has to come from within. There are so many of us who look to others to feel good about who we are when we really shouldn’t. No one can make you understand the depths of your worth. You have to get to that place on your own.
Related: Read this to learn how to be confident in what you have
So yes, I think getting a compliment from my husband is lovely. It makes me feel sexy and wanted and all that good stuff. But his compliments are not feeding my soul. His compliments don’t give me worth. They simply let me know that he has the good sense to see what I already see in myself.
That’s how it should be with every couple. Build you own confidence. Be clear on who you are. Know your own worth. When you take the time to do those things, you will realize that you don’t need your husband, or anyone else, to help build your confidence because you did it on your own.
BMWK wives, share what needs you must meet on your own?