It might not always be healthy to relive the past, especially when we are looking to move forward in a current relationship. However, I find the lessons learned from relationships past can be quite beneficial to our present situations. I was fortunate enough to have a couple of relationships that caused me to take an inner assessment of exactly who I was as a girlfriend. A few of the behaviors I demonstrated in my girlfriend role definitely weren’t going to work in my role as wife. These relationships also provided me valuable insight into what I needed in a husband.
When we’re younger, we don’t often realize that not everyone we date is marriage material. Some people are in our lives just for a season and to teach us something new about ourselves. My past relationships served a purpose. I learned who I didn’t want to be when I found “the one” and more importantly, the qualities “the one” had to have in order for us to create a successful relationship.
Here’s what my ex-boyfriends taught me about marriage:
1. I Needed to Grow-up
The immature young woman I was in those relationships wasn’t ever going to survive in a marriage. Maturity is necessary and marriage isn’t child’s play. This was the biggest lesson for me. Relationship success comes as a result of two adults consistently acting as such. It’s easy to demonstrate those childlike behaviors whenever situations don’t go as we hoped. Marriage forces us to be mature. Either we put forth a greater effort or both partners suffer. Not speaking for days on end, seeking revenge, and only thinking of self are those immature behaviors that show up in girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, but will destroy a marriage. It is a must that I regularly show up as a grown woman in my marriage.
Also check out – Marriage: Only Grown Folks Need Apply
2. Not All Sacrifices Are Good
I also learned I must be clear on what I need in a partnership and promptly request it. A great deal of time was spent in past relationships going with the flow and not getting my needs met. Sometimes, we think we are suppose to lose something or sacrifice a huge part of who we are just for the sake of having someone. I had to learn to be vocal and ask for what I needed and expect the same of my partner. There are certain things I am not willing to sacrifice that make up who I am. Lucky for me, I found a spouse who wasn’t looking for me to sacrifice those things.
Also checkout – 5 Sacrifices I’m Not Willing to Make in Marriage
3. I Don’t Have to Settle
I don’t have to settle for a mediocre relationship. I’ve always been pretty in tune with what brings me joy as well as what subtracts from my joy. There have been times when I was willing to accept a relationship that didn’t honor me and felt unhealthy. I thank God that He provided me with the wisdom to walk away when it was time. For me, I don’t think I’d survive a mediocre marriage. As a result, I give my marriage my everything because it adds to my life and I desire to keep it that way.
I am grateful that I began to learn these lessons right as I married my husband. There are definite reasons certain relationships don’t stand the test of time. Sometimes they were the wrong person for us and vice versa. There are usually takeaways from our past we can use that significantly contribute to our future relationships. I was able to learn from past mistakes and bring the best parts of myself to our relationship and it has greatly enhanced my marriage.
Also Checkout – Learning Your Lessons From Past Relationship Mistakes
BMWK, What have your exes taught you about marriage?