It might not always be healthy to relive the past, especially when we are looking to move forward in a current relationship. However, I find the lessons learned from relationships past can be quite beneficial to our present situations. I was fortunate enough to have a couple of relationships that caused me to take an inner assessment of exactly who I was as a girlfriend. A few of the behaviors I demonstrated in my girlfriend role definitely weren’t going to work in my role as wife. These relationships also provided me valuable insight into what I needed in a husband.
When we’re younger, we don’t often realize that not everyone we date is marriage material. Some people are in our lives just for a season and to teach us something new about ourselves. My past relationships served a purpose. I learned who I didn’t want to be when I found “the one” and more importantly, the qualities “the one” had to have in order for us to create a successful relationship.
Here’s what my ex-boyfriends taught me about marriage:
1. I Needed to Grow-up
The immature young woman I was in those relationships wasn’t ever going to survive in a marriage. Maturity is necessary and marriage isn’t child’s play. This was the biggest lesson for me. Relationship success comes as a result of two adults consistently acting as such. It’s easy to demonstrate those childlike behaviors whenever situations don’t go as we hoped. Marriage forces us to be mature. Either we put forth a greater effort or both partners suffer. Not speaking for days on end, seeking revenge, and only thinking of self are those immature behaviors that show up in girlfriend/boyfriend relationships, but will destroy a marriage. It is a must that I regularly show up as a grown woman in my marriage.
Also check out – Marriage: Only Grown Folks Need Apply
Tatianah G says
Loved this post Tiya, great advice and insight!
Tiya says
Thanks Tatianah!
Anonymous says
With me i leant that i need to be sure of what i wabt and stop being nieve. I didnt realize how much a person could love. It only hit me when i lost him. Today i learnt to understand the importance of loving those thay care about me fully and not just expecting it like everyone is going to do it.
I also learnt what it means to run your own race in life. I learnt that whatever u have can be lost anytime.
Lastly i learnt that its my own responsibility to make myself happy.
Lol just thought to share since we where on the topic
Tiya says
Thanks for your comment. You are correct, we are solely responsible for our own happiness!
B.Williams says
This is right on time. I’m still in undergrad. Never had a relationship and still getting used to this whole dating thing. My suitemate and I were just discussing how we can strengthen our dating skills. More specifically we talked about being present in the moment and speaking up about what exactly you want and are not comfortable with. It can get a bit frustrating when I fail to communicate but with time comes experience.
While I cannot say I am at the point where I have an old boyfriend who has had taught me several lessons but I am at a point where I am becoming more in tune with my patterns and behaviors in relationships with friends and family.
Tiya says
I just love your comment. It’s honest and a perfect place to be.