I know here on BMWK, we like to share what you can do to start, grow, build and enhance your relationships. It is also equally important to know the things you shouldn’t do, and even more important the things which are totally unacceptable in relationships.
Ignorance of the law is not a defense in court and ignorance of what not to do to someone is not going to save your relationship after they have been mistreated. Here are three things your relationship can’t withstand. First, realize you must avoid them at all costs or correct them if you are already dealing with some of these issues:
Resentment
Resentment is defined as the feeling of displeasure or indignation at some act, remark, person, etc., regarded as causing injury or insult. Resentment is a derivative of our anger. Anger is fine, we need to be realistic with being upset with our mate or someone else in the household. The problem lies when the feeling lingers because the injured party feels the guilty party doesn’t acknowledge the problem, apologize for it or try to rectify it. Resentment can occur in other situations as well.
In blended families, one parent can resent the other parent’s children. The displeasure can come from any number of circumstances, some even self-derived. The important point is that resentment must be dealt with. The longer we have a resentful feeling in a relationship, the easier bitterness develops and feelings of hate can develop. Resentment is a gateway drug to divorce. Both the offending party and the offended party must talk through their feelings of resentment. Get a third party involved if necessary. Nothing good comes from harbored feelings of resentment which no one is trying to address.
Indifference
Think about indifference this way: If you love someone, you obviously care for this person. If you hate someone, you once cared for this person, and at least there is some feeling about this person within in you. The passion is still there. It may be misguided (or some might say guided appropriately), but the feeling remains.
Once a person is indifferent toward another, the person whom the feelings are directed toward no longer matter. It’s much easier to work through challenges with a person who is not happy or in strong dislike with their mate. Once there is true indifference, it’s a tough challenge to overcome. When you become aware of the feeling of indifference setting in with your mate, you are likely deep into a very difficult and challenging time.
If you begin to feel indifferent, don’t let it stagnate. Talk about it. Tell your mate how you are feeling and talk about ways to deal with it. Sometimes, it could be as simple as getting another couple you trust to begin to walk with you as you work through your challenges together. You may turn to marriage counseling, or individual coaching. Work together to take whatever the necessary steps are to work through the feeling of indifference. The feeling of indifference can be a relationship killer, but it can also be overcome.
Read the last thing on the next page
Sabotage
Almost anything one could fathom can at least have the opportunity to be overcome if both parties are willing to work on their relationship. Both parties have to be willing to come to the table to discuss the challenges and work together to overcome them. If one party or another has decided they are going to fight the process and do things to undermine the process, then the relationship is at a stalemate, or a very tough crossroads.
Coaches, counselors, pastors, friends and relatives should have a couple’s best interest at heart when they are trying to help them and they want the couple to win. The toughest challenge in any relationship is when one person is simply not willing to work on the relationship or doesn’t believe in the process. Relationship sabotage can be a symptom of other issues in an individual, such as personal insecurity/trust issues, trying to create a “self-fulfilling prophecy” to their pattern of relationships in the past and any of several other things could be the underlying cause.
If your mate is trying to sabotage the relationship or the work to rebuild the relationship, try to get them to seek individual help to find out what the underlying cause of this behavior is, then work on those issues. Until the sabotage is addressed, the relationship can’t move forward.
BMWK, Can you think anything to add to list?