Who has felt nagged by their spouse at some point?
Nagging is annoying and irritating. It is such an issue that the Bible even has a scripture verse on it.
Proverbs 21:19 (NIV) says, “Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife.”
(I can imagine that a quarrelsome and nagging husband is no fun either).
Now let’s define nagging.
- to annoy (someone) by often complaining about his or her behavior, appearance, etc. to annoy (someone) with repeated questions, requests, or orders (Merriam-Webster)
- To bug, annoy, irritate. Making a big deal out of doing something small or asking to do something excessively getting more and more pissed off. Mostly done by women afraid to lose something or are insecure. (Urban Dictionary)
- Annoying or worrying because it does not completely stop. (American English Dictionary)
A nagging spouse is like the drip, drip, drip of a leaky faucet; You can’t turn it off, and you can’t get away from it. (Proverbs 27:15,16 The MSG)
The definitions are pretty clear. The Urban Dictionary even goes so far to add in a line about women. You may or may not agree with the definitions laid out in the references, however, we can all pretty much agree that our goal is not to nag our spouse. Whether wife or husband, no one wants to be nagged. As the definitions state it’s annoying.
So, how do you suggest and get your point across without nagging? Here are three tips to help.
1. When you have a point or request to make, make it with clarity. Skip beating around the bush and say what you need to say with tack and a heart of love.
2. Once the matter is discussed, if things are not settled or requests have not been met, set a time to come back and talk about it again. Don’t bring the subject up again until the scheduled time. Refrain from talking about it at dinner, on the way to work, and when you lay in bed.
Table it, let it go until the scheduled time.
3. Remember where the responsibility belongs. The responsibility belongs to both husband and wife to make reasonable requests of one another. It’s up to both parties to try and accommodate one another.
Here is an example: The mate who is responsible for dinner gets home from work at 5:30 pm and you want to eat dinner as a family at 6:00 pm.
You continue to pound the issue. Is that reasonable? If in your eyes it is reasonable, (1) Make your request with clarity. (2) Don’t continuously bring the subject up over and over. Set a schedule time to talk about it if the subject has to be addressed again. (3) Remember where the responsibility rests. You are the one who wants dinner at a certain time.
Accommodate your spouse by seeing things from their perspective. Offer creative ideas to make a 6:00 pm dinner happen. Support your own desire by not just talking, but by actually pitching in and helping.
Then sit back and enjoy how the two of you worked out the issue together without nagging each other. These three tips can be used in many situations. Don’t get used to nagging in your relationship. Try these three tips. Get in there and take action.
BMWK family, what do you think about nagging in a relationship?