Guest Writer: Shawn Cook
Marriage is one event that does not perform “as written” or “produced.” I believe the key task in the role of a spouse is not to always look to logic to answer all the questions that arise since each marriage is unique and fits no particular cast or mold in its entirety.
Marriage is a dynamic, living, and breathing entity that requires true life sustaining elements such as prayer, supplication, and spiritual guidance from the Holy Spirit just as the natural body absolutely needs water. Not to be dismissed, the significance of logic and reason are appreciated and important, but marriage is not an arena where we can fully trust in those aspects alone depending on ourselves to understand it all.
Unfortunately, our biases and efforts alone can fraught the whole essence of God’s work in our marriage, and we often soon see where we have fallen short. “Good News” though, all we have to do is change the lens, as the songwriter wrote, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone!”
With God’s direction, we can see what we need to see and not take the goodness of and in marriage for granted.
Marriage is the epitome of faith from the very beginning to the end, and while wisdom is necessary for effective decision making, faith carries the load and gives us rest. When we marry with God’s provisions in our heart, we’re actually saying that we trust God that the person in front of me, for as long as He allows me to look at him/her, is truly His best for me! What we don’t consider is that before, during, and while those vows are exchanged, the enemy wants to muddy the clarity of that waterfall image of you to your spouse and vice versa, and he can be convincing if you allow Him to be.
A very good friend of mine (also my mentor and pastor) told me timeless words that I will never forget, “Your wife is God’s favor and a shining example of His grace in your life” (PRB 18:22) at a pivotal time in our marriage. That helped me to change my lens and focus back on what I, then we, could do?
So how do we find strength when there seems to be none?
1. Choose and Focus Your Desire
You chose to get married, so desire to make it work. Some days might seem cloudy, but light is there if you want to see it. This may be accomplished through quick forgiveness, “squashing the beef” entirely even if both parties don’t agree, or seeking “wise counsel” for assistance.
Men often are reluctant to talk to other men about the intimate areas of their lives such as marriage, and I agree with treading carefully, however, a God-loving and fearing pastor, counselor, or person can help ignite the direction towards progress. It’s no different than God choosing to see past our faults, pasts, and other junk we hold on to and allowing us to inherit joy and eternal life.
He chooses to see the “waterfall image” and love what he had planted in you at birth. Notice, I said He “chooses” because he doesn’t have to, so the lesson here is that a successful marriage is a “choice” followed by a “do,” what better example can we follow?
2. Honesty, OUCH!!!
“Confess your faults one to another…” (JAM 5:16), a scripture I absolutely adore. This scripture suggests that we show are weaknesses one to another and pray for, not prey on, one another. Who better to tell the woes you may have about yourself or within your marriage than your spouse. I know this can be a difficult thing to do, but if you are truly considering one another, it would make sense to strive to do each other the most good!
Examine yourselves first and identify the faults you have working to improve them with God’s guidance and strength while telling each other the truth, what hurts and what feels good. That’s living water for the seed of your marriage.
You learn to know and grow with one another and the true friendship and relationship that develops from that is priceless. We all too often can find people in marriages or relationships not built on that foundation and see where they are and where they are headed.
On this one, I’d have to fully embrace the common expression, “the devil is a liar,” because we, as children of light, know that in our weakest state is where we find God’s strength. So be sensitive but honest with your spouse about anything and everything with the intent to grow and help your marriage become stronger.
3rd: STICK and STAY
Stay rooted in the word of God and in the doing of His business. The wickedness of this world comes your way to do three main things: cause doubt (kills your faith), provide distraction (steals your recognition of the God’s favor in your life), and ignite destruction (destroys your spiritual and earthly existence).
As storms come, don’t forget who’s in the ship resting on the pillow with you. He WILL NOT allow you to perish! Stay encouraged through prayer, taking wise counsel, and discussing issues honestly with your mate. Getting married is easy but making a marriage thrive and not just simply exist is the true test. God promises his children life more abundantly and if I have obtained more favor with my wife in marriage, that means we’re geared to thrive in a blessed and major way. His promises will not be void!
About Shawn Cook:
Shawn Cook Sr. is a 33 year old husband and father of two residing in Memphis, TN. Shawn Cook Sr. attended a local HBCU, LeMoyne Owen College, where he obtained his Bachelor’s degree in Business Administration. He holds a Masters Degree in Business Administration from Strayer University and is currently working to complete his Doctorate degree. He enjoys research and writing, films, exercise, reading, and spending time with his family. He currently serves as a Campus Director of Strayer University’s Shelby Campus in Memphis, TN. Most of all, Shawn enjoys being a Christian and celebrates his adoration, love, and appreciation of living a life filled with God’s purpose and direction. You can contact him on facebook.
BMWK, What other ways have you found to connect with God when you feel challenged in your marriage?