Guest Writer: Shawn Cook

Marriage is one event that does not perform “as written” or “produced.” I believe the key task in the role of a spouse is not to always look to logic to answer all the questions that arise since each marriage is unique and fits no particular cast or mold in its entirety.

Marriage is a dynamic, living, and breathing entity that requires true life sustaining elements such as prayer, supplication, and spiritual guidance from the Holy Spirit just as the natural body absolutely needs water. Not to be dismissed, the significance of logic and reason are appreciated and important, but marriage is not an arena where we can fully trust in those aspects alone depending on ourselves to understand it all.

Unfortunately, our biases and efforts alone can fraught the whole essence of God’s work in our marriage, and we often soon see where we have fallen short.   “Good News” though, all we have to do is change the lens, as the songwriter wrote, “I can see clearly now the rain is gone!”

With God’s direction, we can see what we need to see and not take the goodness of and in marriage for granted.

Marriage is the epitome of faith from the very beginning to the end, and while wisdom is necessary for effective decision making, faith carries the load and gives us rest. When we marry with God’s provisions in our heart, we’re actually saying that we trust God that the person in front of me, for as long as He allows me to look at him/her, is truly His best for me! What we don’t consider is that before, during, and while those vows are exchanged, the enemy wants to muddy the clarity of that waterfall image of you to your spouse and vice versa, and he can be convincing if you allow Him to be.

A very good friend of mine (also my mentor and pastor) told me timeless words that I will never forget, “Your wife is God’s favor and a shining example of His grace in your life” (PRB 18:22) at a pivotal time in our marriage. That helped me to change my lens and focus back on what I, then we, could do?

So how do we find strength when there seems to be none?

1. Choose and Focus Your Desire

You chose to get married, so desire to make it work. Some days might seem cloudy, but light is there if you want to see it. This may be accomplished through quick forgiveness, “squashing the beef” entirely even if both parties don’t agree, or seeking “wise counsel” for assistance.

Men often are reluctant to talk to other men about the intimate areas of their lives such as marriage, and I agree with treading carefully, however, a God-loving and fearing pastor, counselor, or person can help ignite the direction towards progress. It’s no different than God choosing to see past our faults, pasts, and other junk we hold on to and allowing us to inherit joy and eternal life.

He chooses to see the “waterfall image” and love what he had planted in you at birth. Notice, I said He “chooses” because he doesn’t have to, so the lesson here is that a successful marriage is a “choice” followed by a “do,” what better example can we follow?