I know several happily married couples, but I have yet to meet the perfect couple. That’s because they don’t exist. Even the happiest couples have stuff to deal with. And while some problems may be rather harmless, some things can really damage a great relationship.
I have a great marriage, but we’ve had our share of problems. But in each instance, one of us owned what went wrong. We had to look at our actions and realized how those actions were causing damage. Once that happened, the healing began.
Many marital problems are often the result of a mistake made by someone in the marriage. The truth is, we all make mistakes in our marriages. It’s impossible to spend a lifetime with someone without ever messing up. Certainly some mistakes cause a lot more damage than others do, but we all mess up.
But we have to be self-aware enough to realize we are doing something wrong. If we are willing to own our mistakes and do the right thing, we can repair the damage we’ve caused in our marriages. You may not even know where to begin looking for those potential relationship mistakes, which harm our marriages. So, I’ve outlined four of the most common mistakes that can potentially destroy your marriage.
Work-Life Balances
My husband and I both work a lot. He has a full-time corporate job, and he’s a volunteer EMT and firefighter. I have my own business and juggle a number of other responsibilities. It gets crazy sometimes. But we each have to make an effort to put our marriage before the work. I am no stranger to staying up late to get work done or making sacrifices to be somewhere other than home, but I also know that if my marriage fails, none of this other stuff will matter much. Although you may have the very best intentions, putting work before your spouse will hurt your marriage.
Financial Dishonesty
This can start off with one small lie and snowball into a disaster. Finances are one of the main things that couples fight about, and those fights can ruin a marriage. It’s one thing to hide a pair of shoes, but it’s another story to lie about major expenses. When you start lying about purchases, savings, and other financial decisions, things can start to get out of hand very quickly. If managing money is a sore spot in your marriage, consider going to therapy or hiring a financial advisor. Money does matter, but it shouldn’t control your life or ruin your marriage.
Selfish Behaviors
Whether it’s a car your want, a trip you have to go on or a decision you’ve made about how to spend your time, making decisions like this without even consulting with your spouse leads to trouble. I don’t ask my husband for permission to do anything because I am grown, but I do consult with him about any decisions that will affect his life in some way. I want to know the impact it will have on him. I want him to know that how he feels matters to me. When you insist on making day-to-day decisions with no concern about how it affects your spouse, it shows that you have little regard for how he or she feels, and that can’t be good for your marriage. Maybe being selfish isn’t your intent, but if that’s what’s going on, you have to make an effort to turn things around. It’s a mistake that too many people make, but it’s also one that can easily be turned around.
External Talking
When things in your marriage are shaky, it’s understandable that you want to talk to someone and get things off your chest. That’s actually a healthy thing to do. The mistake that so many people make is who they decide to share things with and how much they choose to share. You have to understand that if you constantly call the same friend to unload about how mad you are about your husband, that friend will never see him in a positive light. Her only image will be all the bad things you’ve shared. Talking through your problems is important, but those conversations should mainly happen with your spouse or with a professional who is trained to help. I’m not suggesting that you don’t talk to your friends about your marriage. I’m just saying that sharing too much too often rarely improves things and can potentially make it harder for you to repair what’s wrong with your union.
BMWK family, can you share any mistakes you’ve ever made that almost destroyed your marriage?