I generally use this outlet to share tips on how to improve your marriage and action steps we all should take to make our relationships even stronger. They usually involve communicating, intimacy and taking responsibility. While that list is essential, there happens to be another set of relationship rules we rarely discuss. Once we decided to marry there should have been an immediate shift in our thinking. The moment we recited our vows, certain behaviors and actions were no longer beneficial to the new life we were creating. Simply put, there are certain things married folks just should not do. I understand no two marriages are alike. What works for one might not work for the other. However, we knew some things would have to change when we got married, it’s what we signed up for. I’ll ask for your forgiveness now if this post comes across as preachy or judgemental. But I strongly believe there are specific temptations and situations married folks must avoid. Please allow me to share just a few of them with you.
You’re Married, You Shouldn’t:
Like your exes everything on Facebook.
I understand the initial excitement about connecting with an ex boyfriend/girlfriend on Facebook. You want to catch up, ask about the family, etc. It makes sense to me, I do it as well. However, our spouse’s feelings should be considered when we do communicate with an ex. Liking every single photo and the status updates that aren’t even funny, could potentially send the wrong message to our spouse.
Regularly visit strip clubs without your spouse.
I know some of you are quite the freaky and that probably works for your marriage. I often wonder why a married person would place themselves in such a tempting situation, without their spouse present. I know when I am turned on, I need my husband right beside me. We should always allow our spouse the opportunity to visually and sexually stimulate us. If they are unsure exactly how to do that, we have to communicate our desires and what it takes to get us there.
Contact a friend of the opposite sex to complain about your spouse.
Ok, so sometimes we don’t quite understand why husbands display certain behaviors or why wives communicate the way they do. I understand that we’re trying to understand a situation from the male/female point of view. However, I recommend we seek out a relative for that guidance or better yet our spouse. They know why they do what they do better than anyone else. Again, considering the feelings of our spouse has to become a priority.
Regularly stay out all night.
I often say the sun shouldn’t beat you home. Frequently staying out all night sends the wrong message and leaves a lot to be interpreted… with infidelity being the first assumption most married folks make.
Withhold sex.
Sex should never be used as a reward or a punishment. There a few things that need to happen in a marriage and intimacy is one of them. Withholding can lead to the destruction of your marriage. Your spouse has needs and so do you. Make fulfilling those needs your first order of business.
Again, a few of what’s listed above might work well for your marriage. My challenge to every spouse is to be mindful of the course these actions could easily take. We must protect our marriages at all costs. I’ve recently adopted the following nursery rhyme phrase and applied it to marriage, as a reminder,
If you’re married and you know it, then your actions will surely show it, if you’re married and you know it, honor your ring.
Our mission with anything else in life is to steer clear of danger. We purposely keep away from dangerous neighborhoods, people and suspicious activities, right? Our radar is up whenever anything feels unsafe, why not take the same precautions with our most sacred relationship, our marriage?
BMWK, please share your thoughts on this topic. What are other things that married folks just shouldn’t do?