I generally use this outlet to share tips on how to improve your marriage and action steps we all should take to make our relationships even stronger. They usually involve communicating, intimacy and taking responsibility. While that list is essential, there happens to be another set of relationship rules we rarely discuss. Once we decided to marry there should have been an immediate shift in our thinking. The moment we recited our vows, certain behaviors and actions were no longer beneficial to the new life we were creating. Simply put, there are certain things married folks just should not do. I understand no two marriages are alike. What works for one might not work for the other. However, we knew some things would have to change when we got married, it’s what we signed up for. I’ll ask for your forgiveness now if this post comes across as preachy or judgemental. But I strongly believe there are specific temptations and situations married folks must avoid. Please allow me to share just a few of them with you.
You’re Married, You Shouldn’t:
Like your exes everything on Facebook.
I understand the initial excitement about connecting with an ex boyfriend/girlfriend on Facebook. You want to catch up, ask about the family, etc. It makes sense to me, I do it as well. However, our spouse’s feelings should be considered when we do communicate with an ex. Liking every single photo and the status updates that aren’t even funny, could potentially send the wrong message to our spouse.
Regularly visit strip clubs without your spouse.
I know some of you are quite the freaky and that probably works for your marriage. I often wonder why a married person would place themselves in such a tempting situation, without their spouse present. I know when I am turned on, I need my husband right beside me. We should always allow our spouse the opportunity to visually and sexually stimulate us. If they are unsure exactly how to do that, we have to communicate our desires and what it takes to get us there.
Contact a friend of the opposite sex to complain about your spouse.
Ok, so sometimes we don’t quite understand why husbands display certain behaviors or why wives communicate the way they do. I understand that we’re trying to understand a situation from the male/female point of view. However, I recommend we seek out a relative for that guidance or better yet our spouse. They know why they do what they do better than anyone else. Again, considering the feelings of our spouse has to become a priority.
Regularly stay out all night.
I often say the sun shouldn’t beat you home. Frequently staying out all night sends the wrong message and leaves a lot to be interpreted… with infidelity being the first assumption most married folks make.
Withhold sex.
Sex should never be used as a reward or a punishment. There a few things that need to happen in a marriage and intimacy is one of them. Withholding can lead to the destruction of your marriage. Your spouse has needs and so do you. Make fulfilling those needs your first order of business.
Again, a few of what’s listed above might work well for your marriage. My challenge to every spouse is to be mindful of the course these actions could easily take. We must protect our marriages at all costs. I’ve recently adopted the following nursery rhyme phrase and applied it to marriage, as a reminder,
If you’re married and you know it, then your actions will surely show it, if you’re married and you know it, honor your ring.
Our mission with anything else in life is to steer clear of danger. We purposely keep away from dangerous neighborhoods, people and suspicious activities, right? Our radar is up whenever anything feels unsafe, why not take the same precautions with our most sacred relationship, our marriage?
BMWK, please share your thoughts on this topic. What are other things that married folks just shouldn’t do?
Anthony Scott says
Sex should not be withheld, especially when the brother is a good man, who steps up, who goes to the ends of the earth to take care of his spouse/family, who is spiritually connected, etc. Communication is key and if she is withholding from a brother who displays the qualities I mentioned earlier, then she needs to answer why she is withholding and be genuine.
Anonymous says
Personally I wouldn’t want my partner talking to his ex’s at all. Hello isn’t this the person u once dremt of marrying and having kids with – why is it exciting? Is it because they are an old flame? I’d be upset if I knew my ex is still connecting with their ex’s unless they grew up together as family friends and she is married ..just no.
Anonymous says
Alot of this is ur opinion…u shouldn’t be concerned with ur ex’s anything especially if u don’t have any children together…ex’s r ex’s for a reason they do not need to be on ur social networks…and for what
Nicole Johnson says
My husband thinks its ok to contanct women over the phone or by messaging on fb, I also so a message were he started the conversation with hey sexy, I had know ideal this was going on, but he states he Not doing anything wrong and he is a preacher. I also found out that he only contact the women he talk with while he is at work. We had a big argument about this and now he wants to leave me and the kids, because he said he not doing anything wrong. We have been married eleven years
Anonymous says
Lady, your husband is or about to cheat on you And he is a preacher, do not try to talk to him or make it work, there are two kind of man of the cloth the one that have been called to do god work and the one who used his position to get women and money, he is a false preacher there is a special place in hell for him, come don’t be stupid who start a message with hello set, lady you know what you got face it.
Anonymous says
I’m going through this B.S. for the 2nd time. In May my wife held out on me for 2 months. over an argument she started. Now again she was flirting with some cat and having what I told her was inappropriate conversations with a dude. She tries to turn it around and make it about me going through her phone. She holding out again. We are in counseling now. she said she never stepped out on me. But As they say if you not giving it to me, then who are you giving it to?
crimsonchilla says
They certainly are playful and dextrous, tending to appropriate and play with small objects for hours on end — not to
mention titter and squee at their owners and each other incessantly.
They are very intelligent and like to be clean, so they should
pick it up quickly. Children will love that Toffee the
pony loves to be fussed over and pampered.
Robin says
For the first one on the list, I think it should have been do not friend your ex’s on fb that just leads to trouble in the marriage, I’m just sayin….
Anonymous says
Let him go. He’s obviously being sneaky and trying to flip it around on you. Don’t fall for it. Know that you deserve better than that especially from someone who claims to love you.