Loving thoughts produce loving actions and loving actions produce loving feelings… Yeah, I know what you’re thinking, “that’s easier said than done.” And, while I get that, I think our relationships and marriages are worth the effort.
There are 4 scenarios where being loving to your mate are probably the hardest, but you may find that you need to do it the most during these times.
1) After an argument or disagreement
YUP! I’m just as guilty as you are and I’m probably even more stubborn. So when my wife and I have an argument, I want to shut down and harbor ill feelings.
I want to hold grudges and make smart comments and then I realize I have to grow up. It’s in the times that I want to be the most stubborn that I’ve had to let go of the grudge and try to be more loving.
2) When you’re frustrated with your “personal” problems
Maybe you’re having a tough time at work or maybe your family has been on your last nerve! Maybe your girlfriends are being petty and maybe the people in your church organization are arguing about the next fundraiser.
Maybe everybody is just on your back and you’re indirectly taking it out on your mate by having a bad attitude at home. It’s in those times you have to be conscious enough to catch it and bring the loving thoughts and actions back into the picture.
3) When the passion feels like it’s fading
Sometimes in long term relationships we can get so preoccupied with life that we forget about love. Suddenly we aren’t feeling much passion toward our mates; we don’t feel as connected, and that leads to less attention, affection, and intimacy.
Less just leads to less and suddenly you look up and it’s been a year of merely existing in the relationship. It’s important that we catch these cycles before they compound and cause conflict.
It’s at these times you have to be intentional about the loving thoughts, actions, and feelings. I know many say you shouldn’t have to “force it” but sometimes forcing it builds the momentum you need in order to maintain it.
4) After infidelity or an affair
YES. I know this may seem unrealistic, but if you’ve made the decision to forgive your spouse for an infidelity then you have to be willing to love them in spite of it!
I know you keep having thoughts and visions of the infidelity and I know you are harboring ill will; but if you’re ever going to get back to love, you have to start with loving actions.
Time WON’T just heal all things, ACTIONS have to follow. Moral of the story is sometimes even if you don’t feel like it DO IT anyway! In order to get back to the love you once had you must get back to things you once did.
BMWK Fam, what are some of those loving actions we can do to produce the loving feelings?