Fear is a beast. If you aren’t mindful, it just shows up wherever and whenever it wants, reeking havoc on your life and everything in it. Fear has this way of creeping up on us and stopping us in our tracks. It informs our decisions and stops us from becoming the best possible version of ourselves. If there is one thing we all need to get a handle on in our lives, it’s our fears.
Now what happens when you get married and your personal fears are still there—still whispering in your ears daily? And even more tragic is what happens when new fears develop as a result of your marriage and you just aren’t sure how to move past them and create the life you really want – the life you will love beyond measure.
Well, the good news is if you have a ton of fears and they are getting in the way of your true happiness, know that you are not alone. We all have fears. Some people manage them better than others, but we all have them—even the bravest of us. You see, without fear the presence of courage could never exist. The very definition of courage is being able to embrace your fears and move yourself to action despite them. So by virtue of having fears, you have the power to be courageous.
So what does courage have to do with your marriage? A lot, really. When you walk into a relationship, you walk in with your fair share of “stuff.” We all have “stuff.” Maybe someone else’s is heavier than yours, but it exists for us all. Now, depending on your ability to work through and deal with the fears and other “stuff” you had when you got married, other things can pop up.
What I want to urge all of us to do is work through our stuff. Acknowledge and address the issues that are present in your life. Look at your deepest fears for what they are and think about what you can do to move past them. For many of us, turning to our faith can help us find courage. Others may need to talk with their spouse. Maybe your fears are closely connected to an experience with a friend or family member, and there is a conversation you’ve avoided for years that needs to happen. And maybe the issue is so deeply rooted, counseling is a must in order for you to find peace, develop courage, and take an active role in creating the life you want to experience.
Here are five common fears that can begin to ruin your marriage if you aren’t able to get to a place where you can conquer them. Fears are a normal part of the human experience, but that doesn’t mean we are meant to just accept them and live unfulfilled lives. Fears are placed in our lives so we can develop our mental, emotional, and spiritually muscles. Fears are there so we can learn how strong we really are by getting them out of the way.
Fear of Failing as a Parent. Parental failure is a very real fear and some people let it consume them so much that it starts to impact their marriage. When you live in a constant state of fear about what you are doing wrong as a parent, or what might happen to your kids, you are unable to live in a healthy space and even find the energy to dedicate to yourself or your marriage.
Fear of Being Deceived. If your partner has never given you reason to mistrust them, you can’t spend your marriage just waiting for things to go wrong. Maybe your fear stems from past experiences, but you have to give the person you love today the benefit of the doubt and find a way to trust again.
Fear of Never Reaching Your Goals. You have the power to identify what your dreams are and determine what goals you need to establish and reach in order to make your dreams become a reality. When you have dreams and you let fear prevent you from pursuing them, you always feel unfulfilled on some level and that can damage your marriage.
Fear of Your Marriage Failing. You attract what you expect. If you keep fearing the worse, it will become your reality. If you are dealing with marital challenges, seek help, but don’t just walk through life scared that your marriage may fall apart one day.
Fear of Regretting Your Decisions. Fear can paralyze us, but we have to push through and make decisions with confidence. You may get things wrong sometimes, and that is okay. But if you never make a major decision because you think it will be wrong, you begin to damage your self-confidence and without confidence, you marriage can suffer.
BMWK, Do you have any fears you need to overcome?