I LOVE MY MAMA so trust me, I know what a mother’s love feels like. As men that feeling never gets old, but we have to learn when to let go. I felt the need to write this piece because I have to admit that one of the top 5 issues that women come to me with as a relationship coach is their frustration with MAMA’S BOYS! Sometimes I ask men the question “Who comes first, wife or mom?” and I’m always surprised at the amount of men who say mom. Ladies, here are five signs that you are dealing with a mama’s boy and fellas if you see yourself in this list you might want to do a gut check!
(P.S. Before all of the fellas say, “Well what about these daddy’s girls?!” you know me, so you know I’m coming with a part 2 so stay tuned!)
1) He Talks to His Mama More Than He Talks to You
If for some reason you can’t seem to get a call or text during the day, yet every time you’re around, your man he seems to be communicating with his mother then he might just be a mama’s boy. If she’s his first call in the morning, at lunch, and before bed, all the while you can’t get a goodnight kiss and an “I love you,” then odds are, you can see who the priority is.
Fellas Tip: It may seem petty but your woman wants to know that she is the woman you speak to the most and no one’s voice is more important than hers. I’m not saying don’t talk to your mom but I am saying make sure it’s clear your wife knows that she doesn’t come second.
2) He Needs His Mom’s Approval For Every Decision
What to do with the kids? Calls mom. How to cook something to eat? Calls mom. How to handle this situation at work? Calls mom. Well damn, how come every situation that comes up end with you saying, “Well I already talked to mama about it and she said….”
Fellas Tip: Trust me fellas, if you want to make a woman upset then keep involving your mother in every decision relevant to your family. When that happens you make it seem like your wife’s opinion doesn’t count or her ideas on the same subject aren’t as important. You’re throwing her under the bus and don’t even realize it. Always consult wifey first and if your mom’s opinion is needed then seek it afterwards.
3) He Never Tells Her “No” & Always Puts His Mom Before You
He drops everything to be at the beck and call of his mother, but when you need him to do something he finds a thousand reasons that he can’t. If his mom has got it like that, and as his wife you don’t, then you may be dealing with a mama’s boy! For some of these more devious mothers, they may sometimes ask him to drop everything just to test where she stands in his life, but I’m gonna sip my tea on that one because that’s a whole blog in itself!
Fellas Tip: Guys your woman wants to see the same sense of urgency around her needs that you put towards your mother’s needs. In fact you don’t even realize how secure you make your wife feel, when you can tell your mom “no” to something that puts your s family at a big inconvenience.
4) He Expects You to do Everything “Like Mama Used To”
He compares everything you do to how his mom does it. If you’re cooking, cleaning, nurturing….its always met with, “Well my mom does it this way” then you might just be dealing with a mama’s boy!
Fellas Tip: If you listen to nothing else I say listen to this, your wife does not want to feel like she is in constant competition with your mom. If you wanted your mom, you should have married your mom. Appreciate how your wife does things and set that as your standard because she is her own person with her own way of doing things for you and for her household.
5) His Mother Feels Comfortable Disrespecting You
If his mom is consistently comfortable disrespecting you even after you’ve told your man about it then you might be dealing with a mama’s boy. While your husband can’t control the actions of his mother he can make sure it’s clear that disrespecting his wife is unacceptable. If it still happens then she hasn’t been checked and it needs to happen.
Fellas Tip: Don’t just try to take the neutral road in these situations of discord between your wife and your mother. Often times we don’t want to get in the middle of any conflict but sometimes it’s necessary. Also know that while you will always love and be dedicated to your mother, as a husband, you are to honor and protect your wife.
As much as we love our mothers we have to understand that once we take on a wife, the priority has to change. This doesn’t mean that you forget about your mom, it just means that you are conscious about how the dynamics must change.
Your mom raised you so that you could make a good husband to someone; sometimes you just have to remind her that being that good husband includes no longer being a mama’s boy!
BMWK, Are you married to a mama’s boy? Can you add anything to this list?