The stages of relationships when doing it God’s way has many different components, but based off how God led me when pursuing my wife is how I will set out each stage. Here is a quick guide into the 5 stages of a relationship when God is in the center of it.
1. Friendship Stage
The friendship stage can vary across the boards due to its different contexts. For example, with Natasha and I, we were friends on Facebook for years but didn’t even know it. I know many stories of people who meet at the church they’ve been attending together for years, but had never seen one another in person. The friendship stage is crucial because you honestly shouldn’t be married if you aren’t able to be friends. The best marriages are the ones with the best friendship. The friendship stage shouldn’t include anything but that. Our generation has really begun to play around with the world’s mentality of friend’s with benefits.
2. Interest Stage
The interest stage is where you accept you are interested in someone, but now need to find a way to see if they are interested in you. This is the stage most get STUCK in. You see a young lady who is very attractive to you, loves Jesus, and is single. Boom…you are interested. You’re friends with a good looking guy, who is committed to Christ, and he has a job! Boom…you’re interested.
The interest stage is very difficult because, it is here that some guys don’t communicate to the girl that they are interested right away, and then some do. I know with Natasha, I was interested in her for a few months before I messaged her for the first time. My first message was not, “Hey I’m interested in you”, but more, “Hey, do we know each other?” Lol. Yes, I was very nervous at first. It took months before I got the courage to ask her if we could get to know one another better. In the interest stage, you have to trust God for the guy to take the next step to communicate he is interested. Guys don’t wait for a girl to tell you she is interested. You do it!
3. Pursuing Stage
The pursuing stage is where a boy becomes a man. Yes, ladies I know you want a man, but you have to be patient as God develops him from his childish ways into the man God desires for him to be. I was very nervous when it came time to tell Natasha I wanted to get to know her more. My pastor and two best friends had to really motivate me past fear to communicate that to her. The fear of rejection is real, and some guys just settle for games, which is why you need to wait until he gets the courage to tell you his intentions.
The pursuing stage is very challenging for some men, because it is the stage which requires the most communication of intention. A man should communicate to you he is pursuing you, or some may say, “I am very interested in you.” Ladies, if he has not communicated his intentions with you, then please keep your boundaries up to guard your heart! The most attractive thing to a man of God is a woman who stands her ground with boundaries.
He hasn’t done anything at this stage to earn your physical touches or overly flirtatious text messages. It is very easy to get caught up in a guys actions before he communicates his intentions. Once I overcame my fear of communicating my intentions to Natasha, and she accepted to move forward then an overwhelming confidence came over me. From then on I was confident as I pursued her, trusting God to lead me. God’s covenant with us was not only communicated, but also demonstrated.
4. Dating/Courting Stage
The courting stage is where there has been an establishment of a committed relationship with the end of goal of marriage. Our courting stage involved some of our most supernatural events. From me meeting her family to her meeting mine, we both really enjoyed this time as we got to know one another better in a committed relationship. There are many more details that can go into this stage, but I want to keep it short and sweet. Prayer is essential during this stage because you want to make sure the relationship is being steered by God. Establishing boundaries is very key due to now you are committed to one another, and the thoughts of getting physical will come. This stage is all about learning one another, more than touching one another. Natasha and I planned to kiss for the first time after we got engaged. Establishing that helped us stay focused on the purpose of courting which is laying a secure foundation for marriage.
5. Engaged Stage
He popped the question! This is where the rubber meets the road, and you are going to be having a lot of things to get done in preparation for the wedding day. Enjoy this season more than rushing this season. Pre-martial counseling, wedding planning, and finances will be your main priorities. Don’t forget you will only be engaged once, so again, enjoy it!
Married!
Marriage is not a stage, but a lifetime covenant! Welcome to the club!
These stages are pulled from how God led me as I pursued Natasha. I will say it was one of the most supernatural processes I’ve ever seen. God was in the back, front, and center of the whole thing. Communication and boundaries are the most crucial factors in doing it God’s way.
BMWK, how was your courtship process?