Maintaining unity in your marriage when there is division all around you can be hard. With many long standing relationships falling apart right before your eyes it can be really easy to get caught up in someone else’s drama. Unfortunately, these divisions can affect us whether we want them to or not. When discussing the dissipating unions of friends we may find ourselves making some of the following statements.
“Wow, I never thought in a million years they would break up…”
“I can’t believe he/she cheated!”
“I wonder when it went wrong?”
As we ask ourselves these questions you can’t help but consider the stability of your own marriage. You may consider yourselves to be in a solid relationship, but so did they all at one time. So you start to wonder…and this is how it begins. One minute you are being a supportive friend and the next you are doubting your mate and wondering about your own future. Please don’t let this happen to you! Here are 5 things that you must remember when dealing with friends who have split with their mates.
#1. Your friend’s situation is not your situation.
A lot of times our friends problems become our problem and before you know it you are mad at your own mate. Don’t let your friends situation become your own. Be supportive without becoming totally immersed.
#2. Weather the Storm
Reassurance is everything. Its easy to get caught up in the storm with relationships falling apart all around you. Some people think that just because you need reassurance that you are insecure. Not so. It’s ok to let your mate know that you are there to stay. Let your words to one another be your bunker of safety.
#3. Accept and Respect Change
When friends and family members split with their mates, sometimes by default you are splitting with them too. This means that they may not be around much or that a new “friend” may start to come around. Be patient with these changes and respect any new decisions that are made. ex: Do not cause division in your own house because you want to be mean to the “new girlfriend” in an effort to show allegiance to your friend.
#4. Don’t pick sides.
When couples that you and your mate are friends with split, you may be tempted to pick one side while your mate is supportive of the other. You have to remember rule #1 and make sure that you are not getting too involved with their situation.
#5. Be very careful with gender bashing
Yes, it feels good to get together sometimes for a good ‘ol bashing session, where we dish about the other sex. Don’t let this go to far. Don’t make the mistake of putting your foot in your mouth by saying something that your mate may find hurtful or offensive.
This is in no way to suggest that you should not be there for a friend who is in need because their relationship has ended. Just please proceed with caution. Divorce/break-ups/splits are hard on everyone and they really do affect the family and friends of all involved. You have to be very careful to not let someone else’s negative energy seep into your situation. Be available to your friends without getting so emotionally involved that you are jeopardizing yourself and what you have.
BMWK – Have you and your mate ever got into an argument over a friends break up?