You started the new year off hoping things in your marriage would get better. You prayed about it, made a few changes and even tried to have conversations with your spouse. Yet, despite your efforts, things haven’t changed much. Maybe they even seem worse.
So what do you do now? How do you bring the fireworks back into a marriage when the passion is fading?
Marriage is a complex union. When you bring together two lives and you add the stresses of day-to-day living, finding the time to nurture the relationship that matters to you most can be quite challenging. Work is demanding, households chores continue to pile up, the kids need you at every turn, and a marriage that was once fun and exciting has become boring and strained.
But things don’t have to stay that way. You can get back what you once had (or what you’ve always wanted). It won’t happen overnight, but with some time and dedication, the magical fireworks in your relationship can come back.
Here are six tips to help you bring the fireworks back in your marriage.
1. Get out of the bedroom
The bedroom is a great place for intimacy, but it doesn’t need to be the only place for it. If you feel like the passion in your marriage is fading, try being intimate somewhere other than the bedroom. Whether it’s another part of your home, your car or a special place where you did your thing back in the day, try your best to walk away from the same old routine and try something new.
2. Get away from your kids
I love my kids. I’m sure you love yours, too. But let’s be real: your kids will block your attempts at intimacy every chance they get. They aren’t haters; they are just looking out for their own interests. If you need to get the fireworks back in your marriage, take a break from the kids. Drop them off with someone you trust for the night, or have someone come over so you can leave the house for a short overnight trip. Just try your best to get away from them once in a while so you can reconnect with your spouse.
3. Start dating again
Those date nights you have every other month aren’t cutting it. You need to start dating your spouse the way you did when you both first met. And a date doesn’t have to mean spending a ton at a fancy restaurant. It can mean popcorn, wine and a movie at home after the kids are tucked in. By having regular dates with your spouse, you have a chance to laugh together and remember all the good times you’ve shared. Even a couple as busy as President and First Lady Obama, say they make time for date nights.
4. Get creative with your sex life
Boredom in the bedroom can happen to the best of us. If you are feeling bored, maybe it’s time to spice things up. Now the best ways to do that can vary from couple to couple, but things like toys and role-playing can take a boring night and turn it into something bursting with fireworks.
5. Work on yourself
Sometimes the passion and intimacy fades because we are in a personal rut. Maybe you feel out of shape or your job has you all stressed out. Whatever the case is, simply taking the time to focus on your own self-care will ultimately help add sparks back to your marriage. When you feel tired and unhealthy, you just aren’t that much fun. But when you take the time to get your mind and body right, you feel sexy, confident and ready to have a good time.
6. Do something new together
Life is busy, and we can spend years in the same routine. If that has happened in your marriage, spice things up with a new activity. Take a dancing class together. Try rock climbing or hiking. Even learning how to cook or taking a wine tasting class together is fun. It doesn’t really matter what you do. What matters is that you are trying something new together.
BMWK family, what kind of things do you do to add the fireworks back into your marriage?