In-Laws…the ones we love to hate! Okay hate is a very strong so let’s say the ones we really, really like to DISLIKE sometimes.
I overheard a conversation the other day with a wife who was FURIOUS because of the ruckus her mother-in-law was causing in her marriage. While in-laws can be such a blessing, many times they can be cancerous to a relationship or marriage , especially if things aren’t kept in check or if troublesome or disrespectful behavior isn’t nipped in the bud.
Here are few things fed up couples want to say to their in-laws:
1. Don’t Allow My Children to Do What I’ve Forbidden Them to Do
If a parent tells a child NO to something, please do not turn around and then tell that child YES. This is all that needs to be said on this one. Point…blank…period!
2. Don’t Undermine My Authority
Establishing discipline and authority in 2016 is already hard enough, but the last thing parents need is any of their in-laws undermining their authority.
Remember, most parents are establishing their authority for a reason. And with that, they are establishing a certain level of respect. But if you come in and say things like “stop being so hard him/her” or “you are too strict” or whatever it is, it will hurt more than it helps. Please stop trying to be the cool in-law and allow the parent to parent!
3. Don’t Criticize My Parenting or Relationship
Okay sometimes we all need a little help or advice when it comes to parenting, but people get really defensive when you criticize their parenting ability. Don’t focus on telling what you think mom or dad is doing wrong, but rather just offer your help (in the way that mom or dad sees fit). Secondly, don’t feel the need to always criticize what you THINK you know about the relationship or marriage. Remember, more often than not you only know what you see and you only get a portion of the truth.
4. Don’t Just Pop Up At Our House
Sometimes we don’t want company, so don’t feel like you are always welcome at anytime. Sometimes people have plans and sometimes the plan includes doing NOTHING. Sometimes the house isn’t clean and we don’t really feel like entertaining or being judged, so if you are going to come over then we need to give you the okay first!
5. Don’t Spread My Business Throughout The Rest Of The Family
Stop making my relationship the topic of discussion to every other member of the family. Let MY business be MY business to share…if I chose to share it. Stay in your lane! Thanks….Management!
6. Don’t ASSUME You Know Everything
You only know what you are allowed to see, thus assuming will only make a YOU KNOW WHAT out of you. Also why are you so consumed with someone else’s relationship? Sometimes in-laws, what you call concern is simply just you being nosey so that you can stir up unnecessary drama. Your goal should be to support your family’s relationships, not to tear them down (unless they are extremely unhealthy…then again remember you don’t know everything).
7. Don’t Think Your Way Is Always The RIGHT Way
Okay, I know you might be older and you may have traditionally done things one way in your relationship or when parenting, but that doesn’t mean that your way is right for us or them. Sometimes people evolve, people have different ideas about how to do certain things and that’s okay.
Just because you always dressed the baby this way, or fed the baby this thing, or gave kids this medicine, it doesn’t make someone else wrong for not wanting to do the same. Your way isn’t the only way so don’t try to force it on anyone.
Please understand that this blog wasn’t an attempt to condemn all in-laws because many are very good and offer so much help, love, wisdom and support. The point was to at least make some in-laws conscious of some things that they may be unconscious to now.
I don’t think most couples aren’t open to help, but sometimes help can be dressed up as criticism and judgment and no one wants to be subject to either. If you’re an in-law reading this and you realize that maybe you’ve been getting less and less invites over and phone calls….WELP…now you might know why!
BMWK Fam – what are some other things that in-laws should avoid doing!?