Have you ever intentionally kept quiet or beaten around the bush instead of coming right out and saying what’s on your mind? In certain circles you lose opportunities when you don’t verbalize certain ideas, thoughts and feelings. We may miss sharing an innovative concept at work that could have potentially resulted in a promotion. Or we may even fail to speak up on how unpleasant someone has made us feel only to risk having it repeated.
In each of these situations when we choose to hold back and not honor our selves we pass up the chance to foster our happiness. The same holds true for other relationships, especially the one with a spouse.
Often times when we hold back, the idea is usually to spare feelings and reduce conflict, but in the end it normally comes up and out anyway. Occasionally it’s even worse when it all builds up and a person completely unleashes. Discussions can typically take a turn for the worse when we wait to address an issue we have allowed to fester.
Our desire to hold back usually show up in areas such as intimacy and daily household responsibilities. Many individuals are hoping their current situations will change without them ever mentioning these concerns to their spouse.
If a couple struggles with intimacy, what better way to correct the situation than by both partners discussing how they would prefer to be satisfied? Being honest about what turns you off as well as on increases the chances of getting your needs met. Keeping quiet and settling for what you have now guarantees nothing will change. We know our bodies better than anyone else, so show and tell your partner what generates your pleasure. Your spouse will appreciate your honesty and jump at the chance of truly pleasing you with that new information.
Co-managing a household also comes with its set of obstacles. If one partner is slacking with keeping up with his/her portion of the chores and the other allows them to get away with it, resentment will kick in. Instead of remaining silent or leaving little hints, the best approach is to simply speak up. While we are all adults one spouse may not see their lack of contribution as a problem if the other spouse never says a word. I am not suggesting that a person nags, but initiates a healthy conversation. Without being disrespectful tell your partner all that needs to be done, the piece you’re willing to do and what would be most helpful for them to do. Deciding how responsibilities will be divided should ultimately be determined by both partners.
I am sure most of us are familiar with the popular saying “a closed mouth does not get fed.” Keep that in mind when we are looking for our needs to get met. Our spouses aren’t mind readers, so it is a must that we ask for what we want. Remember, asking with a love, kindness and gentleness will always deliver the best result.