Growing up, I was fortunate to have two dads in my life: my biological father and my stepdad. I knew that I was lucky, as some of my friends didn’t have one dad, let alone two. It was nice to have two men to depend on. When my dad didn’t always come through for me as far as supporting me, my stepdad was always there. It was great, because my stepdad had all boys, and I was the baby, so I was like his little girl. Even when my relationship with both were strained, I will always appreciate what they did for me. I wish more young women had the opportunity that I had, even with just one father. Men, if you have a daughter or if you’re expecting one, here is a wish list of things daughters need from their dads:
- Your attendance: Absent fathers are a terrible epidemic, especially in the black community. It hurts everyone involved, but it can definitely have a negative impact on little girls. Daddy issues can come up in many situations, but especially in relationships. Your presence is needed more than you’ll ever know. It’s not enough to just “throw money” at your child’s mother. It does not make up for you not being there. Regardless if the two of you are in a relationship or not, you should make it a point to be physically around your daughter.
- Your love: It’s hard to believe (at least for me) that someone can have a child and not have a loving bond with them. I’ve seen it multiple times, and it’s so hard to witness. Love your daughter! Put her on a pedestal. She should be your world, your inspiration, your little girl. You’d be surprised how much saying “I love you” and showing affection to your daughter can do for her self-esteem. Truthfully, you should be the mold for what your daughter wants in a man later on in life. Set the bar high, gentlemen!
- Your support: One thing I wish my dad did for me more was support me. He has 3 daughters (including me) and one stepson. Obviously football games may sound a lot more appealing to him than cheerleading competitions, but I just wish he was there. I had dance recitals, cheer competitions and games, conferences and other events. My dad was absent for quite a few of them. Dads, support your daughters’ endeavors. I included one of my favorite commercials below from Fatherhood.gov, where the dad is helping his daughter with her cheers. I laughed, but I also wish my dads (either one) did that with me.
- Financial support: Didn’t think you’d get by without me mentioning money, did you? I get so frustrated when I hear about all these dads trying to dodge child support. It’s not money for your child’s mother; it’s money to support your child (hence the name). If you pay for things that your daughter needs in everyday life, maybe you can work something out and coparent without the court intervening. However, do not try to get out of financially supporting your child. Growing up costs money, period. Between extra-curricular activities, doctor visits, and extreme growth spurts, you’ll see how expensive things can get. My dads did what they had to do not only afford me everything I needed, but also most of the things I wanted. Hustle, fathers, and provide for your daughter.
I can’t wait to make my husband a father, and as much as he jokes that we’ll probably have all girls, I know that the bond between a father and a daughter is one like no other. Cherish your daughters if you have them. Prepare to be the best dad you can be if you’re expecting one. Have some regular father-daughter time that she’ll remember forever. You won’t regret it.
