A couple months ago, my husband and I went out to dinner. When we were done, the waitress asked, “Separate checks?”
You could have knocked me over with a feather. Separate checks? Did we look like work colleagues? Brother and sister? Just two folks who were hungry at the same time but didn’t want to sit at the bar? We are married. Didn’t we look like married folks?
“You’re overreacting,” my husband said. He gently reminded me that neither one of us had our rings on. He had lost his a few weeks prior and I hadn’t put mine back on after taking them off to do my hair.
But still. Something about it just didn’t sit right with me. Rings on or not, I felt you should be able to look at us and tell we were a couple.
So this past weekend, I proposed to my husband that we try something different. This time when we went out, we were going to pretend it was our first date and we were trying to woo each other into a second date. At first, I thought it would be good because it would force us to talk about something other than the kids or bills or house repairs we need to get to.
But then I realized this is harder than I thought. We’ve been married for so long and together for so long that it’s hard to look at each other like we’re brand new. I struggled to make conversation. “So, um, what do you for a living? You like to eat? You watch sports?” Pure comedy. My husband kept joking too much about how “it’s okay to sleep with each other on the first date.”
We ended up only being able to “pretend” for 30 minutes while we waited for a table at the Cheesecake Factory. The rest of the date was great as we simply enjoyed all the history we have and the bond we’ve developed over time. In suggesting that we rewind our relationship all the way back to square one, I wanted to see if those first-date butterflies could return. But I discovered that I still do have butterflies. I still enjoy being with him and I’m glad we’re past the “Does he like me? Does he love me?” stage. He loves me if I slurp my soup, if I order the most expensive thing on the menu, or if I start eating before he gets his food (all the first date no-nos). I love him if he leaves my doggy bag on the table (oops!) or if he refuses to see whatever romantic rom-com is playing in theaters.
It feels good to realize that your marriage is just as strong as you think, even if the waitress can’t tell.
Tell me, BMWK family. How far removed are you from the first date days? Do you think you could “pretend” like we did?