A couple months ago, my husband and I went out to dinner. When we were done, the waitress asked, “Separate checks?”
You could have knocked me over with a feather. Separate checks? Did we look like work colleagues? Brother and sister? Just two folks who were hungry at the same time but didn’t want to sit at the bar? We are married. Didn’t we look like married folks?
“You’re overreacting,” my husband said. He gently reminded me that neither one of us had our rings on. He had lost his a few weeks prior and I hadn’t put mine back on after taking them off to do my hair.
But still. Something about it just didn’t sit right with me. Rings on or not, I felt you should be able to look at us and tell we were a couple.
So this past weekend, I proposed to my husband that we try something different. This time when we went out, we were going to pretend it was our first date and we were trying to woo each other into a second date. At first, I thought it would be good because it would force us to talk about something other than the kids or bills or house repairs we need to get to.
But then I realized this is harder than I thought. We’ve been married for so long and together for so long that it’s hard to look at each other like we’re brand new. I struggled to make conversation. “So, um, what do you for a living? You like to eat? You watch sports?” Pure comedy. My husband kept joking too much about how “it’s okay to sleep with each other on the first date.”
We ended up only being able to “pretend” for 30 minutes while we waited for a table at the Cheesecake Factory. The rest of the date was great as we simply enjoyed all the history we have and the bond we’ve developed over time. In suggesting that we rewind our relationship all the way back to square one, I wanted to see if those first-date butterflies could return. But I discovered that I still do have butterflies. I still enjoy being with him and I’m glad we’re past the “Does he like me? Does he love me?” stage. He loves me if I slurp my soup, if I order the most expensive thing on the menu, or if I start eating before he gets his food (all the first date no-nos). I love him if he leaves my doggy bag on the table (oops!) or if he refuses to see whatever romantic rom-com is playing in theaters.
It feels good to realize that your marriage is just as strong as you think, even if the waitress can’t tell.
Tell me, BMWK family. How far removed are you from the first date days? Do you think you could “pretend” like we did?
Cheryl says
Not at all possible for us. I don’t even remember when our first date was! We met as a part of a group, and hung out that way for a long time. We have now been together more years than apart (we met really young). We do enjoy reminiscing about different experiences we have had together (remember that time when we were stuck in France and we missed our plane?). It is always a blast because I never remember details and he does. But, I still get butterflies when I know I am about to see him, and I don’t think I have ever walked past him without his touching me…
Tara Pringle Jefferson says
@Cheryl – Yeah, we’ve been together almost 9 years and I’m 26. Meeting young is awesome when it happens. 🙂 I love having that history and being able to share memories.
Cheryl says
PS – I have no idea where my wedding ring is. I had to stop wearing it during my last pregnancy (4 years ago!) and I have no idea where it got to. I stopped wearing my engagement ring because someone at work was making me uncomfortable about it – too much admiring. My husband has lost his ring at least 5 times since we’ve been married. Not unlike his wallet, cell phone, debit card, etc.
I would never have given a second thought if a waitress would have asked if we needed separate checks, unless she was flirting my husband.
Soon to be Mrs. Jones says
CJ and I had an interesting first date. We went to TGIF and our waitress knew him because they had gone on a group job interview together. When she realized that it was him, she spoke primarily to him and continued to try to engage him in a long conversation. He kept eyeing me and I tried not to burst out laughing until another waiter walked up. The other waiter had expressed his interest in me and I indicated that I did not share the interest. He kept trying to engage me while she kept trying to engage him. It was too funny. Both had sour faces when we left, holding hands. We still laugh about this (4+ years later)
Lamar says
My husband kept joking too much about how “its okay to sleep with each other on the first date.†– This is pure comedy LOL
Aprildishon says
I get what you are saying. For me I think is important to look at your spouse with a fresh perspective and not take them for granted. There is a certain type of attention, I feel, that you get from a man as he pursues you. There is also a certain type of vibe that a woman sends out to the man that is pursuing when she wants him to continue the pursuit.
KnotChocolate says
Ya know, I’m really intrigued. Gonna try this real soon… and blog about it, of course 🙂 Thanks for the unique idea!
Leah says
We can definiely do it. I remember everything about our first date. I think it would be fanatastic to sit with my husband and not talk about one billor repair for the entire day. I will try this on the weekend.