By Tiya Cunningham-Sumter
The recent tragedy in Tucson, AZ (the attempted assassination of Congresswoman Gabrielle Giffords) has had everyone on alert and discussing what could have gone wrong.
Usually in these tragedies we look for the person directly responsible and try to find the root of the problem. Things like the accuser’s upbringing and background all come up for questioning. Last week the parents of the alleged shooter (Jared Lee Loughner) made themselves visible. As I watched them on television, I felt their pain. How hard this must be for them knowing they birthed and raised someone who could murder six people in cold blood. There are those that feel for these parents, while there are many others that hold them accountable for their son’s actions. Some are wondering – did the parents see that there was a problem? Did they seek the professional help he may have needed when they noticed the erratic behavior?
A national radio show I listen to posed this question to its listeners: “Are parents responsible for their children’s actions?” The responses varied but led to a very good discussion. I use to feel very strong about this in the past, but now I have become somewhat torn on the issue.
I used to think I had the solution to violence, especially among the youth. Had I been a politician, I would have used this thinking on my platform. My thoughts were that parents should also be penalized for their children’s actions. I was very adamant about that. If their child committed a crime, the parents should serve time and be punished as well. As parents we are responsible for our children. However they turn out, it is usually based on something we did or didn’t give them as children. Being held accountable for children’s actions, would force more parents to take an active role in the rearing of their children. Drastic, I know. Now I see these things aren’t as black and white as I once thought.
There are people who were given what they needed as children but still grew up to become the people they wanted to be. We can give them the tools, but when they become adults they will be making their own decisions. Of course it is our prayer that they won’t stray away from our teachings, but we no longer have control once they begin living their own lives. Unfortunately, none of us can ever know for sure what a person is truly capable of, even if it is a child that we raised.
BMWK, what do you think? Are parents always responsible for their children’s actions?
Tiya Cunningham-Sumter is a Certified Life & Relationship Coach, Founder of Life Editing and creator of The Black Wives’ Club. Tiya was featured in Ebony Magazine in the October 2008 and November 2010 issues. Tiya recently created and launched (Tuesdays with Tiya) Life Editing Radio show on blogtalkradio.com. She resides in Chicago with her husband and two children