As a Relationship Coach, I’ve heard countless couples complain that romance and intimacy slowly but surely seems to just (poof) disappear in their relationship. When people fall in love and more importantly when they decide to commit to one another love and romance are at their peak.
That euphoria leads people to believe that once they ride off into the sunset of commitment that fire and passion will happily reside in their relationship forever and ever. They swear to each other that they will never end up like their parents, or like other couples that have resigned themselves to being comfortable or uncomfortable roomies. Well nothing could be further from the truth.
Maintaining romance and intimacy in a relationship takes work…hard work in fact. It has to squeezed in between bills, kids, work, chores, learning things about you they really didn’t want to know, sickness, attitudes, morning breath, etc…you get the picture. Men and women have to both do their parts to show up mentally, emotionally, spiritually, and physically daily to keep their love life vibrant, fresh, and exciting.
Women are you doing your part?
Women that are in exclusive committed relationships and expect that their mate is to ONLY make love to them have to do their part to see that their expectation is met. Women, men have told me time and time again that they too need and want to be openly desired. They want their women to initiate sex more.
Men want to know that they are on your mind, that you still find them attractive, and that you still want them as much as they want you. They want a sexy text every now and then. They want you to send them flowers with an “I’m thinking of you, I miss you, or I want you” note attached. They want you to take the initiative and plan a romantic evening. Yes, they want you to surprise them with a call telling them to be ready at 8:00 tonight.
They want to come home after a long day at work and have you anxiously and ravenously pursue them. Men want women to be attentive and responsive to their needs. Men also want women to be spontaneous and adventurous. In other words, they want the woman you presented when you were dating them to have a recurring role in the relationship. Women must remember that men are very visual. They revel in the fact you took time to dress for them whether you’re going to work or coming to bed.
They love that you are a sensual and soft woman. They delight in the fact that you wear their favorite fragrance and have soft silky skin. Women must remember that men have the same feelings and desires that we do, even if they don’t regularly show it. As such we must treat them in the manner we want to be treated.
Men, are you doing your part on page 2…..
Men are you doing your part?
Men that are in exclusive committed relationships and expect that their mate is to ONLY make love to them have to do their part to see that their expectation is met. Men, women need to be respected, reassured, and restored daily. Building trust, being sensitive, attentive, and kind are critical and necessary for a woman to be vulnerable enough to give herself freely to you.
It is imperative that you take care of her emotionally so that she can openly and loving avail herself to you physically. It is also imperative that you view her as a full partner in the relationship and work in tandem with her to make sure that the home and the kids are taken care of. Men that means you have to see beyond perceived male and female roles in the relationship. You must be open to doing whatever that frees her up to spend intimate time with you.
Actively listening to and engaging her, volunteering to wash the dishes, and helping with homework consistently yields much more than an occasional bouquet of flowers fellas. Men must remember that the man she met, fell in love with, and committed to does not go into hibernation because she willingly took herself off the market to be with you.
Seeing your mate as your gift.
Couples often forget to remember that they are a gift to their partner. Couples must always remember that they are the chosen one. They “get to” create special memories, and have joyous moments with this person they have committed to. I tell my couples that a good way to keep their perspective and appreciation for their mate in order is to remember that they are the gift that their mate desires to unwrap.
It is their mind that intrigues their mate, their dreams that their mate wants to share in, and their love that their mate wants to feel. It turns me on to no end to know that my mate can be intimate with anyone in the world but chooses and desires time and time again to be with me. It blows my mind and fills my heart to know that there are deeply intimate things about my mate that only I am privy to. It’s a privilege to be in his intimate space and he in mine. Well, I must end this article because I’m missing my gift terribly right now and I plan on remedying that immediately.
BMWK, Are you doing your part to keep intimacy and romance alive and well in your relationship? Do you see your mate as your tailor made gift that you “get to” unwrap anytime you want with the comfort of knowing you are in the safety of their love?