by Tara Pringle Jefferson
By nature, I am a soft-spoken woman, but despite this, I am convinced my husband at times suffers from “selective hearing.” Selective hearing is when he can hear the kids just fine, he can hear the sports commentators, but my request for his help washing the dishes goes unacknowledged.
When this happens, I usually just take a deep breath and ask him again, louder this time, and he responds to whatever I’m asking him. It still bothers me that I have to ask twice for things all the time. A small inconvenience, yes, but one that bugs me nonetheless.
Last week, my husband asked me something and I was preoccupied with the kids or dinner or something else. He asked me again, louder that time. “Oh, sorry,” I said. “I didn’t hear you.”
He shrugged. “Sometimes you have selective hearing.”
What? Me? Selective hearing? No, no, no – that’s what he does to me! I know how much it bugs me – why on earth would I do that to him? After asking him to elaborate, he said that sometimes I tune him out as I’m going about my day and he sometimes doesn’t even expect an answer if I’m flitting about the house.
I honestly hadn’t realized that the same complaint I silently held could also be logged against me. How ridiculous is that?
What I decided to do right then and there was to become much more aware of my actions and how they were perceived. I also vowed to look at my expectations and alter them to fit my reality.
My reality is – I’m a busy woman. I’ve got my hands full with work, household stuff, family obligations and the like. BUT – I also have a husband that makes all of the above much easier. I should make sure he knows that my attention is on him when he’s asking me a question or simply in my presence. And it goes both ways.
Case in point – I was doing my usual flitting around the kitchen, making dinner, when I noticed that one of my measuring cups didn’t have any markings left after years of use. I muttered something softly about wanting to go buy new ones and then went about finishing dinner. The next day, my husband came home from the store with new measuring cups, when I hadn’t even known he was paying attention.
The simple act of buying measuring cups, when I didn’t ask him to – the act of tending to my needs when I didn’t expect him to – spoke volumes. We’re both doing better these days – and complaining less.
BMWK family, do you and your spouse have the same annoying habits? How did you fix it? How are you going to fix it?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for more insights on love and family.