by Tara Pringle Jefferson
Despite my best efforts, at times I’ve found myself looking around at other couples and feeling that familiar pang of jealousy. Maybe it’s their ability to be affectionate 24/7, the way they effortlessly work to make sure the other person has what they need, or it’s the fact that they just seem to be so happy all the time.
I used to brush off these feelings and chide myself for envying anyone else’s life when my own life is pretty stinking good. But I recently read this article from Psychology Today by Dr. Mary C. Lamia about how jealousy is a natural part of a life and we should embrace it rather than criticize ourselves:
In evolutionary terms, securing your tie to a partner would have enormous benefits, and thus, jealously and the responses it evokes serve to protect one’s self-interest in a partnership. A rival, in caveman days, might meet a dreadful fate. But in contemporary society, for the most part, jealously tends to make the jealous party appear and feel weak, insecure, inferior, needy, and lacking in self-esteem. The jealous person is often plagued by uncertainty and quietly lonely…In any case, one who is jealous has a few things to learn.
By spending more time examining our jealous feelings and less time ignoring them, we learn what we ache for. Jealousy isn’t about the other person, but about a deficit you face in your own life. Next time you get jealous of another couple ask yourself:
- What is it about this person’s situation that I would like to see in my life?
- Is the thing I’ve coveting really that awesome?
- How can I make the changes to eliminate this feeling?
- Have I taken the good things in my life for granted?
By addressing feelings of jealousy, you often hit feelings of inadequacy. The worst thing to do is to let those feelings fester and develop into full-blown resentment.
BMWK family – have you ever found yourself jealous of other couples? How did you fix it?
Tara Pringle Jefferson is a freelance writer, blogger and PR professional living in Ohio with her husband and two kids. She’s also Managing Editor of BlackAndMarriedWithKids.com. Follow her on Twitter or check out her blog for her insights on what it means to be a mom, wife, student, writer, and about three other labels she’s too tired to remember.