You have probably experienced storms in your marriage. Most marriages can withstand a storm or two every now and then. Storms can typically be predicted, just like real weather-related storms can. And you can usually tell how long they will last.
While storms can come and go quickly, and many times predictably, other marriage issues may seem to come out of nowhere. Similar to an earthquake this thing seems to come when least expected. Seeming to catch anybody in it’s wake off guard. But do they? Do your major, destructive problems come out of nowhere? Or have you been unaware of the fault lines?
Digging deep to find your marriage fault lines
Fault lines are not playing the blame game. I am not talking about whose “fault” it is. So you can put the finger you have pointed at your spouse down. 🙂 So, what exactly is a fault line? The dictionary defines a fault line as:
“A divisive issue or difference of opinion that is likely to have serious consequences.”
A fault line is something that will divide you and lead to some serious mess in your marriage.
Physical fault lines are located beneath the surface of the earth. So they are not easily noticed. The only way a fault line can be recognized is by going deep. By looking below the surface.
Is your marriage surface level, or do you go deep?
To go deep in marriage, open and honest communication is needed. To go deep in marriage, you must go through something and stay together. To go deep in marriage, a commitment in good and bad times is needed.
If your communication is weak. If everything is “perfect.” If your commitment has not been tested. Then you may have a surface level marriage.
Fault lines can cause a marriage “earthquake”
A physical earthquake is caused by an abrupt fault line shift. Almost immediately the earthquake releases stress that has slowly built up over time. Rewind…”releases stress that has slowly built up over time“…it is probably safe to say I am in somebody’s kitchen right now.
But wait, there is more. Take a look at what an earthquake does. It sometimes “causes great destruction or upheaval.”
Basically it is something that turns your world upside down. To the point of destruction. Wow! Can a marriage survive something like that? Only if your marriage is prepared, and you know what to do.
Fault lines you should be aware of
I am hoping this post helps you to look into your marriage, and go a little deeper in your relationship. In doing so you may uncover some fault lines. Here are several to be aware of.
- Loose lips or gossip
- Lack of trust
- Minimum communication
- Job loss or loss of income
- Overspending
- Foreclosure
- Unwillingness to work
- Sickness
- Substance abuse
- Flirting
- Unequally yoked (spiritually)
- Pornography
- Infidelity
- Lack of respect
- Putting anything or anyone (but God) before your spouse
- Little white lies
- Laziness
- Death of parent/child
- In-law relations
- Blended family relations
- Lack of support
- Unmet expectations
- Relocation
- Not taking care of yourself
- Lack of quality time
How to survive a marriage earthquake
The Los Angeles Fire Department (LAFD) is pretty experienced in dealing with earthquakes. Their method of surviving physical earthquakes is great for surviving marriage earthquakes as well. According to the LAFD you can do three things to protect yourself during an earthquake:
- DROP down to your knees before the earthquake knocks you down. I can’t help but see the image of a couple dropping to their knees in prayer. Go to God the minute you feel a shake. Many couples go to others for advice first. Mistake. Go to the Author of marriage as your first layer of protection.
- COVER your head and your entire body if possible. Protect what is in your head, your thoughts. If you continue to feed your mind negative thoughts about your marriage, or your spouse, then you are opening yourself up to something that could permanently damage your marriage. The same with your body, do no let anything unwholesome taint your body.
- HOLD ON until the shaking stops. A marriage earthquake is the time to hold on tighter to your spouse, and to your commitment. He/she needs you more than ever, and you need him/her more than ever. The shaking will stop eventually. So don’t let go prematurely. When the shaking is over, you can pick up the pieces knowing you have survived something that destroys many other marriages.
BMWK Family: Have you experienced a marriage earthquake? Please share how you survived.