Dr. Buckingham,
I have experienced a lot of hardship and adversity in my life and I have very hard time when it comes to thinking positively. My family and friends tell me that I have a very negative attitude and they do not like to be around me because I strike out in anger. I realize that I cannot keep being so negative, but I do not know how to think positively. Sometimes I do not like myself because I can be insensitive, unsure, and disrespectful. What can I do to become a positive thinker so I can have healthier relationships with others?
Sincerely, Randy
Dear Randy,
It is easy to be negative when we are hurting, discouraged and angry. Our inner critic makes it easy to criticize ourselves, as well as others, especially when our desires or expectations are not met. It is only natural to want to attack those others when we are unhappy. However, negativity begs negativity. The attitude and behavior you exhibit today will shape your future. Therefore, it is imperative that you learn to replace negative thinking with positive thinking.
Like you, I have experienced a lot of hardship and adversity in my life. However, through my experiences I have learned that I cannot control what happens to me, but I can control my attitude. Maintaining a positive attitude is achievable and can help you view yourself and others optimistically. To successfully become a positive thinker, you must adjust your attitude and behavior. If you desire to become a positive thinker who lives a joyful and victorious life, I highly recommend that you apply the two strategies listed below:
Accept Yourself and Trust In God. Accepting yourself and trusting in God is the first and most important strategy toward becoming a positive thinker. Do not fall victim to thinking negative because bad things have happened to you. Love and accept yourself regardless of your appearance, background, economic, social or financial status. Challenge yourself to objectively eliminate emotions and expectations that contribute to negative thinking. Remember that God did not create perfect people because He wants you to trust in Him. Meditating on His word can help you become a positive thinker:
- “I can do all things through Christ which strengtheneth me” – Philippians 4:13;
- “With God in my life, all things are possible” – Matthew 19:26;
- If God be for us, who can be against us”- Romans 8:31;
- “He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak” – Isaiah 40:29.
Reinforce Healthy Self-talk. If you want to become a positive thinker you must comply with the second strategy which is to learn to use positive affirmations to reinforce healthy self-talk. Examples: “I can do whatever I put my mind to; Life is a chess game and I am the King; and I will not give up until I achieve the result I desire.” Do not totally depend on others to build you up or change your thinking. Become a positive thinker by feeding your soul with healthy self-talk and learning to be your own enforcer.
Be blessed, Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post