Dr. Buckingham,
My husband and I have been having marital problems for several years now and I am ready to throw in the towel. We continue to argue over simple things and end up frustrating each other. We pray for each other and together. We have talked to the pastor several times and have received some helpful guidance. Things get better for a while, but we continue to argue and fight. I am a very spiritual person, but sometimes I wonder if that is enough. Do you recommend that we seek professional counseling so that we can acquire practical knowledge needed to have a healthy relationship? I desperately await your response.
Sincerely, Kim
Dear Kim,
Yes, I do recommend that you seek marital therapy in order to acquire practical knowledge needed to have a healthy relationship. In my professional experience, I have found that individuals who combine professional counseling and spiritual guidance are more capable of developing healthy coping skills and approach relationship conflict with balanced perspectives. Through a combination of marital and spiritual guidance, you can acquire knowledge that will enhance their ability to give and receive unconditional love in your relationship.
Acquiring knowledge through marital guidance and then combining it with spiritual guidance will position you to become the happy person that God wants you to be. I believe that it is important to seek marital guidance to learn effective coping skills and receive spiritual guidance to learn and understand what God instructs you to do to sustain a healthy relationship.
As a devoted Christian, I believe in the power of seeking spiritual guidance, but I also believe that faith without work is no good. Think of marital guidance as the mechanism that provides the coping skills you need to apply the knowledge you learn through spiritual guidance. Healthy relationships are difficult to sustain without some form of spirituality and without effective interpersonal and communication skills that are learned in therapy.
If you want to save your marriage and get on the right track toward developing a healthy relationship, I highly recommend that you seek marital therapy. Remember that relationships require work so after you pray, attend church and consult with your pastor, seek professional help so that you can learn and apply effective communication skills. A well intentioned and good heart cannot make up for poor communication skills.
Be blessed, Dr. Buckingham
If you have questions for Dr. Dwayne Buckingham regarding relationships (married, single, etc), parenting, or personal growth and development, please send an email to askdrbuckingham@gmail.com
Disclaimer: The ideas, opinions and recommendations contained in this post are not intended as a substitute for seeking professional counseling or guidance. Any concerns or questions that you have about relationships or any other source of potential distress should be discussed with a professional, in person. The author is not liable or responsible for any personal or relational distress, loss or damage allegedly arising from any information or recommendations in this post