For as long as I can remember, I’ve had three sets of grandparents. My mother’s parents, and then my dad’s dad (and his second wife) and my dad’s mom (and her new husband).
My grandparents divorced when my father was a child, and they both hooked up with their long-term partners shortly thereafter. My dad has taken his time to come to terms with this new arrangement, and through his interactions, I’ve been able to see how difficult it is to simply move on and accept that your parents aren’t going to be together anymore and there are new parental figures to respect and listen to.
Growing up, I often wondered why my grandparents divorced (I think it’s a question everyone asks at some point) but I realize now that it’s irrelevant. Whatever the reason, my grandparents have gone above and beyond to make the “new” arrangement easy and manageable for everyone.
Minimal friction. My grandparents made it a point to attend all of our events growing up, at a point when their other relationships were still relatively new. They were always cordial and spoke highly of each other. Even the my stepgrandparents got along with each others’ exes. It’s really amazing.
Sincere concern. Whenever one of them faced a health problem, they would check up on the other, making sure they were getting the proper care and healing according to schedule.
Adapting to the kids comfort level. My dad has never been too excited about the idea of having stepparents and my grandparents never forced the issue, giving him the details he needed to know and nothing more. They didn’t force him to spend tons of time with the new stepparent and instead let the relationship develop on its own.
Siblings stick together. My aunt and uncle, along with my dad, leaned on each other through the difficult times and were able to openly share their feelings if they were having a hard time adjusting.
In fact, my grandparents get along so well now that it’s hard to imagine they ever broke up. It’s commendable that they did not let the hurt of the past effect their current relationships.
Have any of you dealt with blended families in your extended family? What lessons have you learned from afar?