Have you ever had one of your girlfriends come and tell you something about your man that you just refused to believe? He made a pass at them. He shoved somebody in the parking lot. He quit his job, again. Even though you saw him holding his “cousin’s” hand last week, and he barely missed your fingers when he slammed the door shut yesterday, and he just called to ask you to help with his car payment – again, there’s no way she is right. Right? Even though experience tells you these things are plausible, you decide to ignore them because you believe you’re in love.
And what’s so wrong with that? Nobody’s perfect. I suppose that’s all well and good when you’re in a dating relationship heading to nowhere. But what happens when you decide that you want this thing you’re in to become your journey of a lifetime? It’s been said that flaws before you get married are magnified 100 times greater once you’ve tied the knot. That’s a heck of an increase. If it’s true, then what, and how much of it, are you willing to put up with for the rest of your life?
Not every flaw is a cause for alarm. But there are a few that deserve a second look before tying the knot.
Maybe you’re in a relationship right now and everything’s coming up roses. The emotional unrest caused by his occasional public tantrums are placated by a kiss here and a gift there. Or, his laying on the couch all day is made easier by his laying the pipe all night. Whatever the fault, it’s easy to dismiss because, well, love. But the truth is, whether you hear it from me or your girlfriend, that kind of love won’t last. The signs pointing to a lifetime of bad husband are there. Wake up and pay attention.
To be fair, not every flaw should be a cause for alarm. But there are a few that deserve a second look before nuptials are exchanged and life becomes a hot mess. These are the ones women often discuss when talking about the things they wish they had known before they got married. So, ladies, don’t go to sleep on these 5 relationship signals all for the sake of love.
When Faced With Challenges, He…
Everyone has their way of dealing with life’s difficulties. Things don’t always turn out the way we hoped they would so we may be disheartened, disappointed, or upset. How does he handle those moments? The promotion he just knew was his has been given to a junior colleague and it’s a tough pill to swallow. Is he open about his struggles or does he stay out late drinking? Does he talk to you about his pain or is he calling up his ex? Take note of his pattern for dealing with the tough stuff and decide if you can handle it for the long haul.
When I Talk About God, He…
Granted, spiritual leadership isn’t important to every woman. But, if it’s important to you, don’t give your boyfriend a pass. Your relationship with God is important as a single woman. Once married, the idea is that you, your husband, and God become a chord of three strands not meant to be broken. So, if he has little to no interest in spiritual matters now, walk away. You won’t be able to change him unless or until he desires to do so. Oh, I know, I know. You will pray him into a relationship with God. Fine. Just do it before you get married. If you can’t, then choose to love God more and walk away.
When He Has to Take Responsibility, He…
This character trait looms large and can cover a lot of areas such as finances, work, relationships, and so much more. So what you’re looking for is his overall response when something has gone wrong and he was responsible for taking care of it. Does he point the finger to avoid any blame? Does he make excuses? Does he pass the buck on to someone else? Does he ignore it in hopes that it will go away? Does he man up and try to make things right? Whatever the attitude now will most likely be the attitude for a long, long time. If you plan to build a family and a life with him, make sure you’re with a man who’s got this on straight.
When He Gets Mad, He…
This one cannot be overstated. People express anger in different ways. Some display all out external fits of rage while others seethe internally. Either way, someone becomes their target. Is it you? And, if it is, how does he talk to you? Does he talk things out, walk things out, or fight things out? Does he ever get physically or verbally abusive? Does he seek guidance from a capable third party? As the counter to love, anger is as strong an emotion. Make sure you notice where and how he vents his fury.
When the Topic of Kids Comes Up, He…
If you want children, or don’t, make sure he feels the same way. No, I mean it. No further advice is necessary so I will just leave it at that.
Is it possible to have a happy marriage if you don’t get these right beforehand? Possibly. I can’t with all certainty say it isn’t. I just know that marriage is challenging enough without these battles to deal with. So if there’s a way to cut them off at the pass before you walk down the aisle, then do so. Don’t dismiss them only to complain later about “things you wished you’d known.” You don’t date to marry. You date to determine if he’s the one you should marry. So take the time to clear this things up now so you can truly enjoy your journey of a lifetime.
BMWK, what other signals should you be on the lookout for before jumping the broom?