Marriages that are affected by infidelity can often come back stronger than they were before the affair. With a lot of hard work and commitment, the marriage can be salvaged. But it is going to be work for both the betrayer and the betrayed. You are not going to be able to sweep the ugly incident under a rug, never talk about it, and then expect your relationship to be healed. It’s going to take lots of communication, patience, and forgiveness to turn that damaged marriage around.
Relationship expert, Michele Weiner-Davis, is a strong advocate for staying together, no matter how bleak the situation may seem. Discovery Health Online turned to Weiner for guidance on how to heal from infidelity.
Weiner wants you to know that there is no “quick fix” to repair the damage caused by unfaithfulness. The process takes time “” often years “” and you need a great deal of patience to handle the disappointment and disillusionment along the way. “Be prepared for many ‘back to square ones,” she says, adding that the setbacks will diminish over time
Weiner provided Discovery Health Online with the following steps for the betrayed and the betrayer”
What the Unfaithful Needs to Do:
· “Be brutally honest about the affair.”
The betrayed person is going to want to know details like what happened and why it happened. The unfaithful person will need to be able to provide those details often. Wiener states that: “The truth also facilitates healing by short-circuiting the imagination. What the betrayed imagines took place is usually much worse than what actually occurred.”
· “Get self-reflective to figure out why you went outside of the marriage.”
You need to understand why you cheated and make changes so that it does not happen again.
· “Express remorse and act trustworthy.”
Actions speak louder than words. You will have to show that you are remorseful through your actions.
What the Betrayed Needs to Do:
· “Demand whatever it will take for you to heal”
The betrayed person needs to communicate what it will take to regain their trust.
· “Spend time together that does not revolve around the affair.”
Wiener says” “It’s absolutely critical to connect again as friends and lovers; to enjoy one another’s company.” It’s time to start dating again and doing those things that made you interested in each other in the first place.
· “Make the choice to forgive.”
“You don’t forgive for the sake of the other person,” says Weiner, “but to lighten your own life” and set the stage for a renewed intimacy and connection.
To check out more of what Weiner has to say on infidelity, check out the entire article on the Discovery Health online. – https://health.discovery.com/centers/loverelationships/articles/infidelity.html
BMWK family ““ what do you think about Weiner’s advice? I think she provides some very key steps for healing after infidelity.