Now that I have a daughter, I can see myself questioning her male friends when they come to the house to date her. When I was a teenager, I didn’t like it when my dad and brothers did it, and I am sure my daughter will be embarrassed when her father and I subject her dates to similar scrutiny. But 20 questions shouldn’t end once she matures into adulthood and can date whomever she chooses. As my single friends testify, “You have to be careful these days because there is so much stuff going around.” And this isn’t just from a woman’s perspective. Men need to be careful too. Asking 20 questions doesn’t sound so weird or embarrassing when your health, sanity, and livelihood are at stake.
So, here are 20 questions to ask a potential spouse. These are just suggestions, and by no means should all of them be asked on a first date. If a question doesn’t feel right to you, then don’t ask it. Or, just replace it with one that is not on the list. The point is to get singles who desire to be married to think carefully about what’s important to them and then to have open communication about these issues before marriage. There are plenty of married and divorced people who wish they had asked the tough questions before saying “I do.”
20 Questions
1. Do you have any life-threatening or incurable diseases?
2. Do you have any children? If so, how integral are they in your life?
3. What are your short term and long term goals?
4. What does financial stability mean to you?
5. What is your relationship like with your parents?
6. How often do you go to church, pray, read your Bible?
7. What gives you joy in life?
8. Do you have a criminal history or record?
9. Do you date men or women exclusively?
10. How many sexual partners have you had?
11. What do you do when you get angry?
12. Do you have a job? How long have you been working/unemployed?
13. What was your last relationship like? How long ago was it?
14. What are you looking for in a mate?
15. Do you have crazy men or women calling, texting, or stalking you? Should I be afraid?
16. Are there many strong marriages in your family history?
17. What’s the one thing you don’t like about yourself?
18. Do you have any deal breakers for relationships?
19. What do you believe are the roles for men and women in relationships?
20. Do you desire to marry?
Now, there are no right or wrong answers per se. It all depends on what you deem as important. If a question matters to you, ask the question. Listen to the person’s words but also watch the person’s demeanor. Finally, pray about the answers you receive and ask God to order your next steps in the relationship. He might tell you to walk down the aisle or He might say walk the other way. You will never know until you ask.
BMWK, what are some more good questions to ask a potential spouse?