At the beginning of a marriage, many couples take time out to celebrate the start of their lifetime journey by heading off on a traditional vacation called a honeymoon. It is a time for them to strengthen their relationship and establish a strong physical bond. The time is private, intimate, and purposefully special.
Eventually, however, the honeymoon is over and they head back to real life. They begin to establish habits and patterns in their relationship that can either deepen or damage their bond. Unfortunately, when the relationship is damaged, couples begin to establish other patterns…crazy patterns, in an effort to solve their marriage problems.
Rather than pursue avenues that could potentially enrich their relationship, they opt for ones that could unhinge their love and are impractical for a lifelong commitment. Some of these choices, like the following, may not seem too far outside of normal under certain circumstances, but they have no place in a relationship meant for a lifetime and that’s what makes them crazy.
Crazy Thing #1 – They Issue a Hall Pass
Have you ever seen the movie, Hall Pass, starring Owen Wilson? If not, here’s the quick 411. Hall Pass is a movie about a couple whose relationship is seriously struggling, so they agree to give each other a ‘hall pass’. So, what exactly is that? Well, a hall pass is when one spouse gives the other spouse permission to have “sexual relations” with other people. Yes, you read that right.
The rationale behind this is that it is believed that this will prevent an affair from happening in the marriage when you give your spouse temporary permission to explore. Well, to each his own. But, I am going to add the ‘hall pass’ to my long list of crazy things people will do to solve their marriage problems.
Why it won’t work
Couples who try implementing a ‘hall pass,’ may very well have good intentions. But I think it’s a bad decision because you never know what types of emotional attachments or dysfunction they will introduce into their marriage with the ‘hall pass’. The potential threat to their relationship is tenfold which makes it an insane choice for a solution to your problems.
Crazy Thing #2 – They Ignore Their Problems Away
There’s a game young children like to play with others that’s a little funny. It’s the invisible game. They close their eyes and believe that the person they are playing with can’t see them. “You can’t see me,” they say. They think that because their eyes are closed, they are now invisible to anyone in their vicinity.
Some couples treat their relationship problems this way. They think that if they don’t talk about and just ignore it long enough, neither their partner nor anyone else will see that they’ve got issues. Their hope is that by ignoring the problem, it will eventually go away. What actually happens is that one or both of them ends up adding issue on top of issue until the problems begin to drive them what…crazy. Before you know it, somebody blows a gasket and the relationship sinks even further into oblivion.
Why it won’t work
Just because you close your eyes to the problem doesn’t mean it’s not there. In fact, you only worsen the situation by pretending the problem doesn’t exist.Relationship problems don’t just fix themselves. Each partner has to take an active part in talking through issues and finding workable solutions to problems as they arise. To expect anything else would just be, well, crazy.
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Crazy Thing #3 – They Get Biased Advice
I’m all for getting advice. But we’ve all heard the phrase “consider the source.” Unfortunately, some people only want to be proven right when they are in conflict with their partners. They seek out like-minded individuals who will reinforce their convictions whether they are right or wrong.
It’s one thing if their friend offers up some tough love that leads them back to their spouse. But if what they have to say furthers the split in their relationship, I believe it’s time to seek more unbiased counsel.
Why it won’t work
If I have a drinking problem, I won’t be going to my alcoholic father to fix it. In the same token, there are so many successful relationships out there that it would be wise for couples to find a person who is actually in one to help them navigate the problems they are facing in their marriage. That couple is doing something right and leaving the crazy out of their relationship.
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You know, to each his own. When it comes to their relationship, people have the right to make whatever choice they want to help solve their problems. But if you make crazy choices, expect crazy results.
BMWK, what kind of things are you doing to solve relationship problems?