Relationships often come with unexpected twists and turns. Sometimes they lead us in a direction that strengthens our relationship with very little effort on our part, but it’s not always that easy. The twists and turns can be complicated, leaving us feeling like we need an outside party to help guide the way.
Frankly, there is nothing wrong with seeking help for your relationship issues. I actually recommend it. I think too many people try to figure things out on their own, and are left wondering why things aren’t improving in the way they hoped for. We live in a society where we are praised for handling things ourselves. Mastering the art of “I got this” is something people wear like a badge of honor.
The truth–whether you choose to accept it or not—is that sometimes “you don’t got it.” Sometimes you need help from someone else to navigate the struggles you face in your marriage. Now I am certainly not suggesting you go out and get help from just anyone. That’s crazy. But I am suggesting that you consider getting help from qualified professionals or from people you love and trust with the wisdom to guide you in the right direction.
But as we all know, good intentions can lead you down the wrong path if you aren’t careful. People you love, or even professionals, may offer insight and advice that they think will help you, when ultimately all it does is hurt your marriage and create more problems for both of you to manage.
So how can you tell when you are being offered great advice and when someone is dishing out some stuff you should put to the side? It can be hard. We often let our trust in the person offering the help, blind our ability to look at things objectively.
We figure, if someone has a degree, certification, a certain position in the church, or a great deal of life experience, surely they can help me fix my marriage, right? I wish that were always true but it’s not. Yes, there are therapists, coaches, counselors, pastors, and married couples that can share incredible advice with you, but that advice should never make you silence any voice within telling you something different. The voice within must always be heard.
No matter who you get marital help and advice from, here are 3 pieces of advice your should never take. And most importantly, listen to your gut. It will rarely steer you in the wrong direction.
Just do it/say it to keep the peace.
Running away from your problems and acting like they don’t exist is never good advice. If you disagree with your partner about something, particularly if it’s something that really matters to you, pretending to be on the same page for the sake of keeping the peace is not a good idea. It’s actually a horrible one. What’s the point of sharing your life with another person if you can’t disagree on an issue with conviction? Masking your true feelings may momentarily keep the peace, but that peace you’ll experience is simply the calm before the storm.
Stay for the kids.
The last thing children need are two parents who are miserable and bring out the worst in each other, but decided to stay together just because they have children. Of course, I wholeheartedly believe that children thrive in a two-parent household, but I also know that children are incredible intuitive and vulnerable, so being in a negative environment daily does not serve them well. If you have serious marital problems and you decide to work on it, remember that staying together can’t just be about your kids.
You can always get divorced.
What?! Well dag, anyone with good sense knows what divorce is. You don’t need a friend or any other adviser telling you that you can always run the other way. I am not saying that divorce should never be an option. I am simply saying that when you are seeking help for your marriage, you should be getting help to repair and strengthen your marriage. If things don’t work out despite your best efforts, the decision to divorce is one you and your spouse should make together, without insight from anyone else.
BMWK, what are some other pieces of advice you think couples should never take?