Some people hear the word “argument” and immediately think of a nasty fight. I don’t. I think an argument is merely a difference in opinion. Sure, it can get pretty nasty if people decide to take it there, but it doesn’t need to. If you keep your anger and frustration in check, an argument is just a healthy exchange that happens from time to time.
I don’t argue with my husband that often, but it happens. We are both pretty mellow by nature, so we typically manage our issues before they turn into arguments. Despite my loud mouth and my Brooklyn attitude, I actually try to avoid conflict. When we do argue, we never hit below the belt. We keep it fair. Once you hit below the belt, everything just goes south. There’s an art to this arguing thing, and I think we are beginning to master it.
But couples who argue aren’t doomed; imperfections in a marriage can actually be beneficial. Passionately discussing a difference in opinion with a person you love is normal. Frankly, the couples who frequently have full-blown nasty fights or the ones who keep things bottled up are the couples who should be concerned. When you fight dirty, no one really wins. And when you can’t even open your mouth to express how you feel, you aren’t in great shape either. People generally shutdown when they feel like something isn’t worth fighting for and that’s never a good thing.
So if you and your spouse, get into the occasional argument, don’t worry about it. Instead, think about the benefits that can come from arguing respectfully. And then use that argument as an opportunity to clear your mind, get your point across, listen and figure things out.
Here are three reasons why arguing with your mate might be a good thing after all.
1. Strengthen communication skills
The point of an argument is to get your point across. You want to be heard. If you didn’t, you wouldn’t bother arguing. When we argue with someone we love, we have to try to be introspective. By doing so, we can figure out whether or not we are truly being heard, and if there is something we can do to change how we deliver our messages. Arguments shouldn’t be about fighting or yelling; they should be about being heard and listening to what someone else has to say.
2. Learn to manage conflict well
I think couples who never argue may actually have pretty poor conflict-resolution skills. Conflict is inevitable, and avoiding it doesn’t make your issues go away. Avoidance can actually make your issues worse. When you are willing to open up and engage in a healthy argument, you begin to figure out the best ways to manage conflict in your relationship. It doesn’t happen overnight, but with time and effort, the occasional argument can lead to better conflict management.
3. Release your feelings
Keeping things bottled up typically leads to someone shutting down or a full-blown fight. The great thing about a healthy argument is that you get to express how you feel. Disagreements will occur in relationships, and figuring out how to get things out without hitting below the belt is actually healthy for your relationship. It’s also great for your mental and emotional health. When we brush our feelings under the rug, they tend to come out in ways that can damage our relationships.
BMWK family, do you have healthy arguments in your relationship?