You aren’t perfect. And neither is anyone else for that matter. As humans we do things out of emotion, from our hearts and not necessarily our minds. The funny thing is, we do that pretty often… make mistakes that is.
Sometimes your own “stinking thinking” causes you to disappoint your spouse. And other times you just don’t know the right things to do in certain situations. Then, there are moments when you simply just react and lose your cool. Each of these instances can cause you regret in your marriage.
It’s more than just saying “I’m sorry.” You have to back those words up with actions!
And what you need most in those times is your spouse’s forgiveness. But they won’t just hand it to you. You’ll have to earn it. And yes, you’ll have to ask for it. Apologies, explanations, and a quest for understanding is what is required whenever you find yourself on the outside of your spouse’s good graces.
Here are a few ways to apologize, sincerely, for the 6 most common mistakes couples make in their marriage. And It’s more than just saying “I’m sorry.” You have to back those words up with actions!
Bad Habits
Apologizing repeatedly for your bad habits has probably gotten old. This is one you can’t always easily correct, it’s a habit. Smoking, procrastination and laziness are a few. They take a while to develop, and sometimes even longer to break.
Share how it started, why you do it and what, specially, you’re willing to do to make a change with your spouse. Be honest, don’t take on something that might be too much for you to handle. Begin with baby steps. Your spouse wants to know you are at least making an effort.
Disrespect
Apologizing whenever you disrespect your spouse is a must. This usually happens when you lose your cool and just react. But, it’s important to get back to your senses and ask for forgiveness.
It doesn’t even have to feel like disrespect to you. But if your spouse feels disrespected, an apology is necessary. Validate your spouse’s feelings. Put yourself in their shoes and take time to understand their point of view. It is refreshing for your spouse to hear that you get them.
Being Unsupportive
Apologizing for not being supportive of your spouse can bring on lots of healing in your marraige. Sometimes, it’s simply a matter of asking your spouse what actually makes them feel most supported. And putting forth the energy to make that happen is the next step. Your spouse will appreciate that you’re even interested in making sure they feel supported.
Anger
Apologizing for your anger must also be followed by action steps on controlling your temper. There are exercises and resources to tap into that can help you control it a lot better. Your spouse will appreciate that you’re being proactive and recognizing this isn’t good for your marriage.
Mistrust
Apologizing for not trusting your spouse’s decisions speaks volumes in your marriage. Explain why trusting may be difficult for you and ask for your spouse’s support in doing a better job in this department.
Sometimes it stems from our childhood. Sometimes it comes from the hard choices and mishaps we had as adults. Let your spouse into your world by being vulnerable and sharing your truth. They will respect and appreciate your honesty.
Bad Communication
Apologizing for not communicating effectively will help to get you and your spouse back on track. What I’ve found in my own marriage and in a great deal of marriages is that couples aren’t taking responsibility for where they can be better. It’s hard for most of us to admit when we aren’t at our best.
If you struggle with being a great communicator, tell your spouse. Maybe it’s listening, or how you process information, recognize it for yourself first and then fill your spouse in on your challenge.
I understand apologizing is difficult for most people. But for the health of your marriage it will be necessary. Again, it isn’t not just saying sorry, you have to go a little deeper to get to the root of what’s really happening. But be willing, your spouse and marriage are worth it.
BMWK, how do apologize for the mistakes you’ve made in your marriage?