Couples often miss out on opportunities to bond with and express love to their mates in ways that are truly meaningful to them. When connecting with their mate, couples must be intentional, considerate, and selfless and learn the difference between pleasing their mate by doing what makes their mate feel good versus doing what makes them personally feel good.
In order to do this, couples must know their mate’s love language. If couples want their mates to feel loved, respected, and appreciated they must learn to speak their love language.
Love language, simply put, is the manner which an individual needs to have love expressed to them. There are 5 love languages: Words of Affirmation, Acts of Service, Physical Touch, Quality Time, and Receiving Gifts.
Related: Here’s why reading The 5 Love Languages might save your relationship
If you are a person that needs your mate to show love and support for you through words of encouragement and praise, then words of affirmation is one of your primary love languages. If you are unsure of what your mate’s love language may be, ask them or observe the ways in which they express love to you and others.
Once you identify their love language(s) remember to be intentional, considerate, and selfless by doing unto them what they need, want, and desire to have done unto them.
Listed below are some simple ways to show your love for your mate in ways that are meaningful to them by speaking their love language.
Words of Affirmation – offer words that are encouraging, uplifting, and that express gratitude
1. Commit to a 30-day challenge to verbally speak kind words to your mate three times a day. In the morning tell you mate you love them, in the afternoon tell them why you love them, in the evening tell them how they make your life better.
2. Each time your mate does something for you personally or for the family (even if it is what you deem they are “supposed” to do) thank them. Thank him for taking out the trash, thank her for preparing dinner, and thank your mate for consistently showing up and doing their part to help take care of your family.
3. Leave handwritten notes on the mirror, in their briefcase or purse, on their steering wheel telling them how intelligent, creative, courageous, and sexy you think they are.
4. Mail your mate a greeting card to your home. It is always a pleasant surprise to get a card in the mail from your mate that expresses how they feel about you.
5. Send your mate texts throughout the day that encourage them and affirm your love for them.
Acts of Service – show love by doing as actions speak louder than words
6. Give your mate an opportunity to relax by offering to do their chores from time to time.
7. Take the kids out for the day and give your mate some much needed alone time to catch up on their reading, watch favorite television shows, or take a nap.
8. Prepare your mate’s favorite game day snacks and let them watch the game uninterrupted.
9. If your mate overslept offer to iron their clothes or pack their lunch.
Physical Touch – express love with physical connection
10. Schedule time to give your mate a full body massage and/or pedicure.
11. Commit to showing intimacy daily (hugging, kissing, caressing, making love, etc.)
12. Prepare meals together and feed each other.
13. Hold hands or touch your mate’s thigh, back, or arm while riding in the car, walking, or just relaxing.
Quality Time – make time to be fully present
14. When talking to your mate, DON”T multi-task. Stop what you are doing and give them your undivided attention. Be fully present by being an active listener.
15. Plan activities that you both enjoy that allow you to fully engage one another like: salsa dancing, cooking together, exercising together, visiting a winery or art gallery, camping in the backyard, hiking, etc.
16. Remain aware of your mate’s need to connect with you and be attentive.
17. Listen and respond to both their verbal and non-verbal ques. If they tell you that you are spending too much time at the office, it’s very likely they are telling you they need and want to spend more time with you. If they suddenly become interested in activities that you enjoy and make attempts to participate, it’s a strong sign that they are willing to be flexible to spend time with you.
Gifts – give purchased or handmade gifts to express love
18. Pay it forward for the week by giving your mate a gift card to their favorite coffee shop or a fuel gift card
19. Send flowers to their office. Ladies, men love getting flowers too.
20. Does your mate have a weakness for their favorite snack? Buy a variety of their favorite candy like m&m’s (peanut, milk chocolate, crunchy, mint, pretzel, peanut butter, etc.) and leave it somewhere for them to find each day.
21. Buy something they need, but don’t think about purchasing for themselves like a new watch, new bible, new earpiece, or new laptop.
22. Make sure that on birthdays, holidays, anniversaries and all other special occasions that you do your homework and give your mate what they want and not what you want them to have.
Showing love is something that couples should do daily. Doing so doesn’t have to be complicated, complex, expensive, or time consuming. Understanding and speaking to your mate using their love language can make all the difference in your relationship. It will allow you to reconnect, recharge, and re-ignite the love and passion in your relationship daily.
BMWK, Are you speaking your mate’s love language?