A few years ago, my husband mentioned that he wanted to be a volunteer firefighter. It threw me off guard because I married a corporate guy with an IT degree and experience in operations and project management.
I thought, where is this firefighter stuff coming from?
To be honest with you, that was really the extent of my thought process. After all, people always say they want to do stuff that they never actually do, right?
So life went on and my husband continued to excel at his corporate job while I continued working in education and began venturing off into this world of entrepreneurship. The firefighter conversation would come up from time to time, but nothing extensive.
I wasn’t concerned… until several weeks ago.
My husband came home and told me about this volunteer firefighter he started to become cool with at the gym.
It was then I realized this thing is actually about to happen.
He fills out his application, does his interview, gets voted in, goes through orientation, and now he is about to start a lengthy training process. Oh snap, this guy was not joking. My corporate guy is preparing to put his life on the line to save other people.
So am I worried now? Yes, I am. Did I sign up for this? Not necessarily.
But I also realize that part of marriage is you signing up for the unexpected. It’s part of the deal.
Sure, you think you know what you are getting into, but people change so there is no way to ever be 100% certain about what you are getting into.
So what do you do to manage the unexpected things that catch you off guard in your marriage? Here are a few timeless tips that have helped me move forward:
Be real about your concerns, but also be supportive.
When something pops up during your marriage and it’s not something you expected, just sit and have an honest conversation about it.
Keeping your true feelings bottled up doesn’t help anyone, and it ultimately hurts you the most.
I expressed to my husband that my main concerns are the physical danger he’ll now be in, and the emotional trauma he will have to endure from seeing many of the horrific things that first responders see all the time.
However, I also expressed that I honor and respect this passion that God placed in his heart and I would support him throughout the process. He now knows how I feel about this new phase in his life, but he also knows I support him and his dream.
Make every effort to understand your spouses “why.”
If your spouse changes how they feel about their career, or where you live, or the vision they have for their life or your family, you have to take the time to truly listen to and understand their “why.”
Without doing that, you are just left feeling like they switched things up and have placed you in a situation your didn’t bargain for.
But here’s the thing – there are no guarantees in love and marriage. Things change. People change.
You have to be willing to have really tough conversations when those changes occur. And most importantly, you have to be willing to hear your spouse out and fully understand their perspective.
Without an open heart and an open mind, you will never be able to manage all the unexpected things life throws your way.
Becoming a firefighter is my husband’s way of pursuing a passion and helping people in need. He is not leaving his other job. And as dangerous and scary as this may seem for our family, I have to respect his “why.”
Make adjustments and stay on the same page.
Over the next several months, I will have to make some serious adjustments. My husband will spend a decent amount of his free time in training, but the rest of our lives still must go on.
We still have two young children who need us, and I still have a business I am getting off the ground. None of that changes.
But through discussions and adjustments, we will make it work. The unexpected can often lead to major blessings in your life.
Instead of feeling frustrated because you are dealing with more than you signed up for, look at it as an opportunity for growth and expansion for your family. Make adjustments, talk to each other often, and remain on the same page.
If you do that, things will work out.
BMWK family, what do you do when unexpected changes occur in your marriage?