There are lessons to be learned in nearly every challenge we experience. But what you choose to do with those lessons is up to you. However, what I find in so many marriages is that couples are having the same disagreements over and over again because the lessons aren’t quite landing and sticking as they should.
It’s frustrating to express what bothers you to your spouse, but nothing seems to change. This type of repetitive behavior sends a message that what you need doesn’t matter. And it can put a strain on your marriage, causing both partners to feel miserable.
The truth is, you don’t have to feel this way.
Here are 3 reasons you might be having the same arguments over and over again…and what you need to know to break the cycle.
One or both of you can’t admit when you’re wrong.
If one partner is hurt or disappointed, then something went wrong. Whether it was intentional or not, a mistake was made. A huge responsibility that comes with being in such a committed partnership is knowing your spouse. You’ll continue to disagree over the same things when you act like you don’t know their needs, nor care about their wants.
Couples must be willing and able to take ownership for their actions. When you’re wrong, you’re wrong. It’s that simple. Apologizing, taking corrective actions and being more mindful the next time should minimize the amount of times you argue about that same issue.
READ: 3 Petty Arguments Married Couples Need to Stop Having Now
You don’t see the value of making sacrifices yet.
Making the your spouse the priority in your marriage is usually the most challenging for couples. For the most part, we can be pretty selfish. We want our needs met first. In some instances it doesn’t feel all the good to put someone else ahead of ourselves. But this is how marriage works best.
When both partners are giving without being concerned about what they are receiving in return, the marriage prospers and the disagreements become few and far between. It’s about commitment and sacrifice. There are benefits in making sacrifices. A happy home where love and peace dwell and a relationship where you feel loved, honored and appreciated are just a few.
You don’t see the small changes your spouse is making.
Change doesn’t happen overnight. It takes time to learn from past mistakes and do something different. Your spouse may need time to understand your needs and to change their behavior and vice versa. Remember, small changes count too. It can be frustrating when you know you’re trying, but your partner doesn’t recognize the effort you’re putting in.
Couples must not be so quick to judge but should look for the ways in which your spouse might actually be making some changes. Be sure to applaud their progress, because again change is challenging.
Of course couples are going to disagree. It’s a part of life. What we want to avoid is having the same arguments over and over again. We want to learn, grow and be able to move forward.
BMWK, what are some other reasons couples have the same disagreements?