What is it that men really want? That is a question that ladies everywhere are searching to find an answer to or at least some sort of hint that will help them figure it out. Attempts to appeal to the interests of a significant other can be quite confusing and frustrating when you are not sure what it is that they want or need.
Poor communication/miscommunication creates huge barriers that hinder the growth and healthy development of relationships. Couples must learn to communicate effectively which is extremely difficult when we consider that communication involves so much more than words. Emotions greatly influence word choices as well as inflections which add various tonal colorings to the words that are chosen. Past experiences also play a huge role in communication, affecting how we hear the words of those we love as they speak to us. Hearing certain words and phrases that brought pain in past relationships, often triggers emotions that result in negative feelings and responses, though the person speaking was never a part of the past responsible for the injuries. There are a myriad of potential roadblocks to overcome that complicate our ability to effectively communicate with one another. With patience, great effort, and prayer for direction, the desired outcome is attainable.
The question of ‘what men want’ should never be directed to men at large. There must be a targeted audience within the general populace for two very important reasons. (1) All men don’t have the same wants/needs. (2) All men are males, but all males are not men. Manhood draws an indelible line of demarcation in the sand that separates males from men. Being male is a purely biological distinction. Being a man is determined by character, responsibility, and other such foundational tenets of manhood. I will only focus on (some of) the wants/needs of men as the wants/needs of males are of no benefit to this discussion.
Necessary
Any good man wants to feel necessary in his woman’s life. This does not mean that she must be needy or helpless. It means that he needs to feel that he can serve a purpose in her life other than replacing loneliness. A man’s presence in a woman’s life should provide her a sense of security. Sometimes, a woman, in an effort to show value, inadvertently shows a man that she has no space in her life for him to exist. Her total ‘self-service’ renders him unnecessary. Any wise man values a woman who is able to take care of herself, but he must see himself as adding something of value to her life.
Admiration
A man needs the admiration of the woman he loves. Her thoughts and views of him matter more to him than she may realize. A ‘purpose-driven’ man needs the woman he loves to understand, that’s the passion that drives him. When what he does is uniquely tied to who he is, he wants to share that level of intimacy with the woman that he intends to spend the rest of his life with.
Understood
A man has a deep need to be understood. It’s a lonely feeling for him to feel misunderstood especially by the woman who loves him, but does not see his deeper need for understanding. To be understood is not about being ‘beneath’ another person. It is to embrace their point of view in order to see an object or issue through their eyes. In this case, it is to see his life through his eyes just as he sees it. This is only possible when she can hear his voice, feel his pain, and share in his joys, as he narrates the story of his life. In so doing, her loving sacrifice is like the breath of life to a dying soul.
Disclaimer
These are some of the basic needs of men. The needs of men are not more important than the needs of women. The purpose of this writing is not to suggest otherwise. The needs of women are equally important to those of men. In fact, authentic men feel a sense of responsibility for contributing to the fulfillment of the needs of their women in whatever way they can.
This writing is intended to address some of the fundamental needs of men in an attempt to answer the often-asked question “what do men want?” and to provide a deeper look into the souls of men for the benefit of our relationships. Love is best served with a great degree of understanding.
BMWK, when you look at your man, can you truly say that you are giving him these 3 things?